10 Failed Wrestling Relationships

In the immortal words of the J. Geils Band, “love stinks.” With Valentine’s day looming many of us are planning wonderful days with our significant others. The rest of us are bitterly plotting our revenge against a world that has scorned us… Ok maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but sometimes love doesn’t always work out. Nowhere is that truer than in the wrestling industry.

Being on the road and away from home 2/3 of the year would put a strain on any relationship. However, things seem to get even worse when your beau or belle is on the show with you. Randy Savage once told Lance Storm “I did an angle with my wife 1 time, and I ain’t got no wife no more.” Though I think other things may have caused Randy to have issues with his relationship, they’re still sage words to live by for any wrestler.

Today, though, we give love the proverbial bird and recount the wrestling relationships that failed.

 

1. Billy & Chuck

This was embarrassing for a number of reasons. Despite how homo-erotic this sport is it’s been ripe with gay panic forever. When Edge was a rookie, Bradshaw started soaping his butt in the shower to try to get a rise out of him. Poor choice of words… Wrestling is weird.

On-screen representations of the LGBT+ community aren’t much better and are usually played for laughs. You could argue that Goldust was borderline and forced the wrestling fans to confront their own biases, but that’s a conversation for another day.

The WWE represents relationships (albeit in a soap opera fashion) all the time. They had a chance to do a gay storyline that the fans and the LGBT+ community seemed to support. Then they went full Abrams and ruined the ending. During Billy & Chuck’s wedding, the two declared it was all a publicity stunt and vehemently denied being gay. With this declaration, the angle was ruined along with any credibility the WWE had toward progressive thought.

So close WWE… So close.

How Could They Have Saved it?
Go through with the wedding, commit to the relationship. Then, after a year, have Billy pull a Shawn Michaels and put Chuck through a glass window for making eyes at Pat Paterson or something.

 

2. Candido & Sunny

Oof… If you believe every rumor out there, Sunny was sleeping with every wrestler except her boyfriend Chris Candido. Now I’m not one for rumor and speculation but the Bodydonnas shoulda spent less time body-shaming their opponents and more time in couples therapy.

How Could They Have Saved it?
You don’t. Candido shoulda burned her stuff on the lawn while blaring “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor.

 

3. Chyna & HHH

Trips and Chyna were dating during their time in DX. It would seem HHH has a thing for powerful women and jumped from Chyna to Stephanie McMahon during their “forced marriage” angle that… well, I would say that it hasn’t aged well, but frankly, it was uncomfortable back then too.

Chyna found out about the affair and after bringing it up was let go from the company. Sadly, the 9th Wonder of the World never seemed to recover after her stint in the WWE. The affair and bad blood probably have more to do with her being shunned from the HOF for so long than her adult films.

How Could They Have Saved it?
You couldn’t. I believe that Trips loves Steph with all his heart, but let’s take that out and be cynical. She had the keys to the kingdom. At this time, HHH had made BBFs with Shawn Michaels and through him got the direct line to Vince McMahon. He’d call Vince and offer to listen to ideas and help him write. HHH did everything he could to move up and be a bigger part of this company, and even if it was all political, it was the perfect move.

Again, I’m not trying to disparage Trips and Steph’s marriage or love, but he married into royalty. Their kids will probably run the company one day, which means there may be a Mr. or Mrs. Levesque feuding with that generation’s anti-hero face instead of a McMahon.

 

4. Goldust & Terry

When Goldust and Marlena debuted the nature of their relationship was… confusing to say the least. However, over time they tried to make Goldust a sympathetic babyface and in doing so just had to make clear he wasn’t at all gay and Marlena was indeed his wife.

During an angle, Brian Pillman beat Goldust and “won” Marlena. This led to some painful, taunting promos from Pillman toward Goldust. The promos would feature Pillman and Marlena in bed with Marlena looking terrified and abused. The implication here is just as awful as you think it is. Then, Brian Pillman’s untimely death meant that there could be no satisfactory ending for this plot.

Marlena comes back to Goldust and, through years of therapy, they’re able to recover from this horrific event. Just kidding, Dustin blamed Terry for everything that happened while she was in captivity and tragically ended their marriage on WWE TV.

How Could They Have Saved it?
Don’t victim blame. Cause then you end up getting obnoxiously religious and losing your wife to a porn star. Following that, you start dating a woman with tattoos and 10-pack a day voice and dressing in bizarre ways. It was like we were watching Goldust’s mid-life crises.

As to their real-life marriage, it was fraught with fighting and accusations of cheating. Terri left Dustin in 1999, but they remain friends and loving parents to this day.

 

5. John Cena & Mickie James

No one can argue that John Cena is great to his fans, but to his co-workers… John Cena is known for holding down fellow wrestlers and playing backstage politics as well as Kliq Era Shawn Michaels. However, politicking wasn’t the only way he destroyed other peoples’ careers.

In the late 2000s, Mickie James was engaged to Kenny Dykstra. Dykstra was the breakout star of the Spirit Squad, their Justin Timberlake if you will, and on an upward trajectory. That is until Cena started seeing James behind Kenny’s back. When Kenny found out he was moved to Raw, away from James and Cena on Smackdown, and ultimately let go from WWE. Like all relationships that start with cheating, John and Mickie lived happily ever after. Just kidding, Cena dumped James.

Mickie couldn’t really handle the breakup, so was moved to the other brand and saddled with the Piggy James gimmick. James, too, was let go from the company shortly after.

How Could They Have Saved it?
That wasn’t the relationship that needed saving. It’s easy to say Mickie shoulda stayed with Kenny, but if she was willing to do that, she wasn’t ready to get married. James and Dykstra shoulda broken up but avoided the black hole that was John Cena backstage.

 

6. Kurt Angle & Karen Jarrett

There are so many love triangles in wrestling sometimes it’s hard to keep track of things. Spending your life on the road downing painkillers and beer like PEZ isn’t exactly conducive to healthy relationships. So, in 2008, Kurt Angle’s substance abuse problems led to his separation from his wife of eight years, Karen. Shortly, after their separation, Karen started seeing Jeff Jarrett who had lost his wife to breast cancer the year before. If it sounds like I’m writing a bad novel, that’s because it played out that way.

Jarrett initially denied the affair to Dixie Carter when confronted. Eventually, the truth came out and Carter suspended him due to the incident. Jarrett would return to the company in 2009 and the whole event would be used as a storyline on TNA. Classy.

How Could They Have Saved it?
Perhaps this coulda been saved if Kurt had taken WWE’s advice and sought help for his addiction problems. Though this seems like something from Day of Our Lives, it’s hard to watch someone you love self-destruct, and Karen probably did what was best for her. Maybe just don’t start dating a co-worker before the ink on the divorce even dries.

 

7. Sullivan and Benoit

Let’s uh… let’s skip this one… yeah? No? Ok, but let’s not go all the way the end. In 1996, Nancy Sullivan, ring name ‘Woman,’ joined the Four Horsemen and began an on-screen relationship with member Chris Benoit. Benoit was feuding with Nancy’s real-life husband, Kevin Sullivan, at the time. Also, Kevin was the booker for WCW, which means he crafted this angle in the first place.

Kevin had Nancy and Chris commit to the angle even outside of the ring, traveling and spending time together. This has got to be the single dumbest decision a husband has made in his relationship besides anyone you see one To Catch a Predator. Kevin and Nancy were already having problems in their relationship, and eventually all the time she spent with Benoit developed into a real affair.

https://youtu.be/OjUANLnV3j8

Kevin claims he stayed professional and saw the angle through to the end, never booking himself strong out of revenge. Sullivan would even offer to make amends as the couple left for WWE.

How Could They Have Saved it?
Don’t book your wife in an angle with another man. You hear me, Rusev?!

 

8. Marc Mero & Sable

Marc Mero was cursed from the moment he walked into the WWE. Vince wanted Marc’s WCW character, not Marc, but obviously those rights don’t travel easy. Marc languished in the mid-card, but Vince fell in love with Marc’s wife, Sable. Sable would eventually become bigger than her husband and do Playboy a few times. Sable was raking in the money, and, even though he wasn’t really pushed, Marc had just signed a new three-year deal with WWE.

According to  Marc, after the first Playboy shoot, their marriage started to go downhill. They were close enough still, however, that Marc left his contract when Sable walked away from the company over a lawsuit. Eventually, though, she’d return to the company and the road leaving Marc at home with their kid. During her time on the road, Sable began a relationship with Brock Lesnar that led to her divorce from the ‘Wild Man’ and marriage to ‘The Beast.’

How Could They Have Saved it?
Don’t introduce your wife to Vince McMahon. As far as Brock goes… good luck with that one.

 

9. Matt & Lita

We all know the story behind this one. Maybe if Matt can let it go, we all should at this point.

How Could They Have Saved it?
Lita said in an interview recently that her relationship with Matt was only as deep as their love of wrestling and she didn’t see herself growing old with him. It wasn’t meant to be and Matt has a beautiful family. It all ended well enough.

 

10. Randy Savage & Miss Elizabeth

This entry could be Randy Savage and every woman he spent time on-screen went. Remember him slapping around Tori Wilson in WCW? Yeah, Randy Savage’s attitude towards women could be best described as “f******* a**-backward.”

Randy and Elizabeth had been married since 1984 and on-screen in the WWE they were the first couple of professional wrestling. The elegant Elizabeth was always the softer side of the heel Savage in his early years in the career. The fans’ love of Elizabeth helped to accept Savage when he made his face turn. The two were inseparable.

However, off-screen Randy’s jealousy was legendary. He even went so far as to allegedly lock Elizabeth in a dressing room while he was in the ring. With the level of debauchery backstage, Randy’s paranoia might be understandable to some. However, this level of control probably was one of the leading factors of their divorce in 1992.

How Could They Have Saved it?
Don’t be a controlling dick.

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