WWE have produced a lot of wrestling matches in their time, and they’d very much like to sit you down and make sure you watch each and every one of them, Clockwork Orange style.
More wrestling, more, get it in your EYEBALLS.
After all, that is why they made their own streaming service, stuffed to the brim with their own back catalogue, although you could argue that WWE’s current performance on Peacock might mean they don’t actually want you to watch any of their matches live anymore.
WWE are their own biggest fans of course, especially when it comes to their history, documentaries, and playlists and top 10s, all about their favourite classic wrestling moments.
However, there are some wrestling matches from WWE’s past that don’t quite gel with how WWE would like to be presented today, matches that the biased historian that is WWE, would very much prefer none of us ever saw.
I’m Adam hailing from PartsFUNKnown and here are 10 Matches WWE Don’t Want You To See.
10. Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown – WrestleMania VI
Ah yes, the blackface match. WWE has actually dabbled in blackface a number of times, and now that I’ve said it, I really think dabbled is absolutely the wrong word, but sod it, they did it not me.
There’s the infamous DX segment where they come out dressed as the Nation of Domination and, like, way to prove the Nation right about how shit race relations were in WWE back in the 90s, doing their job for them there.
There’s a jaw-droppingly awful match between Goldust and Flash Funk where Goldie does blackface, replete with blond afro and oh Jesus Christ it’s a huge car crash, and then there’s this, blackface on the grandest stage of them all.
A match notorious for getting WWE in trouble with Peacock on Day one of their partnership, where Rowdy Roddy Piper used blackface as … I guess… mind games (?) for his match against Bad News Brown at WrestleMania 6, daubing half his face and body in black body paint.
WWE are so committed to you not seeing this throwback that it’s been cut from the Mania 6 broadcast on both Peacock and the WWE Network. Jesus wept.
9. Debra vs. Sable – Raw (May 10, 1999)
Today, WWE cares about women’s wrestling, a fact that might have passed you by if you saw that god awful belt swap segment on SmackDown, but apparently they do.
And hell, despite my sarcasm, which I cannot turn off, so just imagine what it’s like to be me every day, WWE books its Women’s Championships like Big Deals.
WrestleMania 37, the main event of WrestleMania 35, by and large, the belts mean something, which is why WWE would probably like you to forget about all the ways it pissed on the Women’s Championship back in the Attitude Era.
First of all, Harvey Wippleman won the thing, Fabulous Moolah won it in her 70s in a ludicrous match, and then there’s this.
An evening gown match on Raw for the belt, where Sable won the match by stripping Debra down to her bra and panties but then commissioner and horndog Shawn Michaels said that actually, Debra won the match AND the belt, because she got naked first.
Perhaps the single worst title change in all of WWE history and maybe the biggest indictment of WWE’s women’s division of the time.
8. Trish Stratus & Bradshaw vs. Jackie Gayda & Chris Nowinski – Raw (July 8, 2002)
Oh boy is this match a trainwreck, and a hell of a fly in the ointment of WWE’s presentation of Trish Stratus as one of the greatest women’s wrestlers of all time.
Jackie Gayda was fresh off Tough Enough and nowhere near ready to be on live television having wrestling matches, Trish was still two years away from making WWE-branded history by main eventing Raw with Lita, and oh man this match is just the drizzling s**ts.
Stratus and Gayda mistimed so many moves that they might as well have been in different time zones.
The finish involved something that was supposed to be a top rope bulldog but ended up being a top rope very light pat on the head.
It takes a certain amount of wrestling crapulence for one of the commentators to say ‘mercifully it’s over’ when the bell rings, and that goes double when that commentator is Jim Ross, one of the industry’s biggest pros. Well, back then anyway.
Easily one of the most commonly named worst matches in WWE history, that’s not even taking into account the fact that the match also features Chris Nowinski, a man who caused WWE no end of PR nightmares by being one of the biggest public figures to draw links between wrestling and CTE in the years following his departure from the company.