A wrestler’s ring name can be the make or break of an entire act, and while some iconic names have lived on through the ages and have never aged at all, like team names ending with a Z which was super rad and gnarly at the time, others were already silly from the get-go.
I haven’t got a silly name thankfully, but then I have so many other faults as a human that I may as well be called Lusty McSwallow. Also, I’m incredibly short.
Anyway, time to try and deflect the attention away from my many and serious character flaws by looking at some of the worst names in wrestling history.
This video has in no way been inspired by a certain Viking based team being called up the WWE’s main roster, and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. Only kidding, I won’t fight anyone, I’m very short.
Special mentions go out to Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, Skip Sheffield….and basically everyone from the original Nexus and early NXT seasons.
With that said, my name is Pete Quinnell, and it’s time to look at what we think are the worst names in wrestling history.
9. The Viking Experience
“They are known as the Viking Experience!” announced Michael Cole.
“NO THEY’RE F***ING NOT” replied literally everyone.
When The War Raiders, and even that’s bad compared to War Machine, debuted on Raw, people were excited…briefly, because I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Twitter explode quite as much as when people realised the current NXT Tag Champions were no longer the War Raiders and had been renamed to the Viking Experience.
The Viking Experience isn’t a tag team. It’s a dodgy massage, it’s a spa treatment at a Norwegian hotel, it’s my favourite porn category…hmm…what I’m trying to say is, whoever thought that naming these two fellas after a theme park attraction should be pillaged.
There are suggestions that WWE doesn’t want “War” in the title of a tag team, but then surely you just change it to the “Raiders” or the “Disagreement Assailants” according to my good buddy Thesaurus.com
The worst part about this name change was that Vince McMahon clearly thinks that no one watches NXT and would therefore not have an issue with the name change.
That’s just not the case anymore, Vinny, and while the name change got people talking, they’re talking about how stupid you’re being, not about anything good. Ya plonker.
8. Dolph Ziggler
This was my choice, despite all the evidence suggesting there are worse names, this was my choice and all grievances can be directed to @PeteQuinnell on Twitter.
Also, unfollow me. Datson wrote this part of the script, can you tell?
Originally a part of the Spirit Squad, because that was a thing that happened, old Dolph is the only one of the quintet who actually made it out with any degree of dignity left.
This was quickly dashed however when they decided to call him Dolph Ziggler. Neither of those two names are names.
You can’t just call people two random words. What’s next, Hamster Coaster vs. Battery Bowtie? Yeah, I’m not very funny.
It’s amazing that he’s managed to hang around in WWE’s upper midcard for so long to be honest, and it’s a testament to the fact that he’s actually a very good wrestler.
If you’re wondering why he was given this name, all you have to know is that he debuted in 2008, a time when everyone debuting in WWE had a stupid name.
I almost think they just wanted to have someone with a move called the “Zig Zag” and then worked backwards from that.
7. Beaver Cleavage
One for all you furries out there *wink*.
Of all the dam-building mammals, beavers definitely have the best cleavages, and I’m not taking any arguments.
This was the actual ring name (briefly) of one Charles Warrington, who is best known as Mosh of the headbangers.
When his Headbangers tag partner Thrasher was sidelined with a knee injury, Mosh was repackaged as Beaver Cleavage, a creepy man-baby who would exchange sexual innuendos with his on-screen mother, who was called, you guessed it, “Mrs Not Objectified”, oh wait, she was called “Mrs Cleavage”. Thanks, Freud.
One of the more disturbing innuendos was when Mrs. Cleavage offered Beaver some “Mother’s Milk” when he complained about his cereal was dry.
Thankfully this was a very short-lived gimmick and he soon changed his name to Chaz, which is much cooler…hey, at least he wasn’t a balding short guy in a hat.
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