REPORT: Charlotte Flair Set To Win Every Belt In WWE

That’s right, it’s not just Lewis and Dan Goor getting the exclusives, because now I have the biggest exclusive of the year, because I can 100% legitimately report that WWE is planning to have all Charlotte Flair win all the belts in WWE. All of them.

I just got off the phone with my source. I won’t say his name but it rhymes with Mince VcVahon. We chatted about a lot of things, including how many good s***s he’s taken this week, but eventually we got on to the matter in hand.

He told me, and you know it’s true because I don’t lie, that Charlotte Flair will be winning every single belt in WWE, men’s and women’s on the July 3 episode of 205 Live. The chose 205 Live because by then it will be doing better viewing numbers than both Raw and SmackDown.

“We thought we would do it the day before Independence Day, because we love independent wrestlers, and I think that’s what the day is celebrating. Also, Charlotte has never been on 205 Live, so we need to get her on there or our fans will forget that women exist,” he said.

In preparation, he informed me that WWE will be building a number of far more worthy number one contenders to each belt, and then have Charlotte beat all of them cleanly the week before to kill their momentum and become number one contender herself.

But why is she winning the men’s belts too? Well, my source had the answer to that one too.

“Well, we often get accused of not caring about women’s wrestling, so here’s proof that we do. Charlotte is definitely a woman, and people care about the male wrestlers, so obviously if we give her all the belts ever, people will see that we really do care about woman. I mean women. Plural.”

The promise of so many championships changing hands should bring 205 Live’s viewership up above 10 people, so the WWE Network better improve its servers in preparation for this increase in traffic.

We’ll bring you updates on this obviously nonsense story as it develops.

• Satire
• championships
• Charlotte Flair
• wwe

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