Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for your MAIN EVENT and in this contest there will be NOOOOOOO disqualifications. Miss you every single day, Fink. In wrestling, your main event is your show, your show is your money, and your money is more precious to you than your goddamn children. The main event is the fundamental underpinning of all wrestling psychology. Hypothetically, every single decision a booker makes is to generate enough hype around that one match that gets your butt in their seat and your money in their wallet instead of a picture of their GODDAMN CHILDREN. It’s about that sensation when you leave the arena. Even a mediocre card becomes a great show if the main event is fire and you leave the building buzzing. Conversely, even a fantastic undercard can be spoiled forever by a stinker of a main event, as you trudge home, butt cursing the seat and ruing the fact that Vince McMahon is currently tucking your money into Shane and Steph’s bunk beds, they have to sleep in the GODDAMN BATH.
We’re truly sorry, these are the 10 Worst Main Events In WWE History.
10. Roman Reigns vs Samoa Joe – Backlash 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEajKm1EMOc
Why does WWE hate the WWE Championship? The title doesn’t ALWAYS have to be the main event, but it mostly should, right? WWE tends to forget this, especially when there’s a respected workhorse holding the ultimate prize in their sport. See also, almost CM Punk’s entire 434 day title run, WWF Champion Bret Hart not main eventing 3 big 5 ppvs in a row in 1994 and the phenomenal AJ Styles. Fresh off a good but unremarkable match at Mania 34, Styles and Nakamura were booked in a No DQ match for the WWE Title. Did that main event Backlash 2018? Did it f**, that honour went to Roman Reigns vs Samoa Joe, nothing on the line, zero stakes, and fresh off Roman being part of the poorly received main event of Mania 34. Fans turned on this match and turned on it HARD, pelting it with chants of boring, chants of beat the traffic and worse of all, you could actually see people getting up and leaving the arena ON CAMERA.You know a main event is bad when you can literally see empty seats that didn’t use to be empty. A totally nonsensical choice for a main, it probably had something to do with the fact that the Styles Nakamura do dq match was booked to finish with both men kicking each other in the dick and being double counted out, and that would have been a worse ending to a PPV, but you could have just, you know, NOT BOOKED THAT EITHER. F***.
9. Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton – Battleground 2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7tYZGHkRSs
Speaking of the Styles/Nakamura match, WWE has a lot of bad habits, but if I was given the power to change just one, it would be their insistence on elongating feuds with PPV non-finishes. It’s the dirt-f***ing-worst. On free TV, not ideal, but ok we know how the game is played. On PPV, WWE is taking my money, and part of that negotiation is that not only will wrestlers fight, but one of them will F***ING WIN. PPV non-finishes are the worst case of fraudulent advertising since the words WWE Superstar Kizarny, and one of the most heinous examples on record has to be the main event of Battleground 2013. The story going in, Daniel Bryan won the belt at Summerslam, but Orton cashed-in after betrayal from the Cerebral Assasshole, Bryan won the belt back at Night of Champions but some b***ocks over a ref fast-count meant the belt was held up as vacant. I’m going to say this next bit in all caps, THE ENTIRE SELLING POINT OF BATTLEGROUND WAS TO FIND OUT WHO WOULD WALK AWAY WITH THE VACANT CHAMPIONSHIP. What happened? The match was a fine enough for 20 minutes and then The Big Show, deep into his airquotes “conflicted” gimmick where he cried every week like a big dumb egg, came out, knocked out the red, knocked out Bryan, knocked out another ref, knocked out Orton and [checks notes] thanks for coming everyone! The show just ended, everyone screamed, THAT’S IT, and worst of all, this was before the Network launched, so the only was to legally watch this show was to put down 50 bucks for it. Absolutely inexcusable.
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