WWE Raw – July 8, 2019 (Review)

Something strange happened as I returned from my camping getaway this past weekend. I found myself actually looking forward to Raw.

Now, maybe I was delirious from all of the bug bites. Lord knows that a weekend of slowly being devoured by a flock of mosquitoes is enough to make any man long for the quiet embrace of a couch and Bobby Lashley. Figuratively speaking, in the latter case. Although I’m sure he’s a gentle cuddler.

And yet, that’s where I found myself. Looking ahead to the regulated insanity of giant men collapsing through LED boards, heel turns founded on backstage gossip (and Karl Anderson’s hot Asian wife), and the intrinsic awkwardness of Seth and Becky’s relationship. I’m not sure if you heard, but those two are dating.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzq1-98FrjH/

Sarcasm aside, there was much to anticipate on this week’s episode of Raw. In the run-up to the show, WWE had announced the return from injury of Rey Mysterio while also hinting at his future intentions. 

As if that wasn’t enough, viewers of the red brand were also promised a “Double Main Event”. The first element of that tantalising prospect pitted Andrade and Zelina Vega against WWE’s resident power couple, Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch. 

The second main event would see a further mix of eclectic tag partners. Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre would team up to take on Roman Reigns… and a partner of Shane’s choice. But that’s not all! If the Undertaker interferes in that match, he would automatically be struck from the Extreme Rules encounter! …Okay, I probably hyped up that second stipulation way too much. At this point, safeguarding The Undertaker from the rigours of another match might actually be a blessing.

Regardless, with that mouthful in store for us, Raw promised much. But could it deliver? And, more importantly, would the stage survive all that beef? Let’s get to the review. 

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The Best of Raw

A Star-Studded Opening

I’m all aboard Raw’s recent decision to kick off the show hot. Last week it was Lashley and Strowman crashing through the staging area, this week it was the red brand’s two hottest stars. And let me tell you, it doesn’t get any hotter (or more passionate) than Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch. In fact, their passion continues to grow by the week if Corey Graves’ line on commentary is to be believed.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BzrQA29hdAd/

The couple – who currently hold the Universal and Raw Women’s Championships – came out to have their advertised mixed tag bout against Andrade and Zelina Vega. While the contest was a fun, well-paced affair, I feel compelled to point out that the stipulation made absolutely no sense whatsoever. As the competitors were making their way to the ring, Michael Cole informed the audience that the match would be contested under elimination rules. Right. But why exactly?

Regular WWE viewers will of course know that under the company’s version of mixed tag rules, the men and women can only fight the opponent of the same gender. So when Becky made Zelina Vega tap out in the early going, it effectively ruled her out of the rest of the match too, as she was barred from fighting Andrade.

But – and I hate to use the word “fortunately” – Lacey Evans came out almost immediately following the submission, giving Becky a convenient reason not to hang around as she brawled into the crowd with the ‘Sassy Southern Belle’. Rollins intervened to restore order for some reason, sending Becky back to the apron where she got to cheer her boyfriend on as he pinned Andrade for the overall win.

A WOMAN has a RIGHT to make a statement, and @LaceyEvansWWE did just that…as did @BaronCorbinWWE!

Is this @WWE's next power couple? #RAW pic.twitter.com/YxIc0x4Lor

— WWE (@WWE) July 9, 2019

Then Baron Corbin and Lacey Evans jumped the victors as they made their way back up the ramp. All in all, a decent angle to lead us into their ‘two-for-one, 50% off, loser leaves town, over the top rope’ matchup at Extreme Rules. I think I got that stipulation right.

Roman Reigns’ Mystery Partner

As had been made clear ahead of time, Roman Reigns would be teaming with a mystery partner to take on Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre. The wrinkle? Shane McMahon got to pick that partner.

Gary's making BANK tonight, thanks to @shanemcmahon & @DMcIntyreWWE… #RAW pic.twitter.com/ZyOKBSOV7u

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 9, 2019

So the self-christened ‘Best in the World’ spent much of the night interviewing garbage men, arena vendors and members of the cleaning staff for the position. Ultimately he decided to proposition the latter, promising a seemingly random member of the janitorial staff $5,000 to stand in Roman’s corner. Oh, and they suggested that he wear a mask for some reason. Having already broadcast his face during the entirety of this backstage segment. I’m sure there will be absolutely no shenanigans here.

A 24/7 Consummation

Drake Maverick continued his honeymoon with the love of his life… and his new wife, ‘Less Frustrating Renee’. Neither of those jokes ever get old.

This week saw Maverick show off his new belt at various locations around Universal Studios, before treating both it (and his new bride) to a romantic getaway to Newark, New Jersey. More specifically the Prudential Center. Where Raw was taking place. So that Maverick could spend the night cowering – and occasionally running away – from his title challengers. What a lucky lady.

The 24/7 honeymoon continues…in Newark, New Jersey.#RAW @WWEMaverick @1ReneeMichelle pic.twitter.com/su8hhQ7y9Q

— WWE (@WWE) July 9, 2019

As with so much involving the 24/7 Title, this was another throwaway segment for the company’s undercard. And yet, it remains largely entertaining. Maverick has so much natural charisma and truly phenomenal comic timing, so as to elevate the irrelevance of the championship and the goobers constantly chasing after it. His boyish excitement at the possibility of finally consummating his marriage was particularly amusing.

A Legend Returns

Rey Mysterio returned to Monday Night Raw to announce that he was fully recovered from injury. Incidentally, he claimed that surrendering the United States Championship to Samoa Joe was “one of the hardest things he’d ever done in his career“. Mate, you wrestled Eddie Guerrero for custody of your son!

To prove his health, Rey issued an open challenge to anyone in the back. “It has to be Bray Wyatt”, I excitedly yelled to no-one in particular.

He is SO READY TO GO.

Who's going to answer @reymysterio's challenge?! #RAW pic.twitter.com/AiOZzsgsPX

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 9, 2019

But it wasn’t. It was Bobby Lashley, who won the match in less than a minute and then proceeded to throw Mysterio into the LED boarding at the top of the ramp. After which he grabbed a mic to address his Last Man Standing Match against Braun Strowman at Extreme Rules.

Seeing Rey back was great. Everything else… well, just wasn’t unfortunately.

Conga Line Meets Swiss Superman

No Way Jose led his sex party of goofs to the ring. I booed.

Cesaro chased them off and then destroyed Jose. I cheered.

Raw knows what I like.

Never cross @WWECesaro, because he just racked up a DOMINANT victory over @WWENoWayJose on #RAW! pic.twitter.com/u1kppFuauX

— WWE (@WWE) July 9, 2019

Beat the Clock Challenge

I’m a sucker for Beat the Clock challenges. Of all WWE’s more obscure stipulations, the race against the ticking clock is likely my favourite. With every second counting, it’s just an exciting way to add a bit of spice to a feud. Especially if it involves a handful of competitors.

Last night though, the challenge was confined exclusively to Bayley and Nikki Cross. The two women would compete against Sarah Logan and Dana Brooke respectively, with the one who sealed the win in the quickest time earning the right to pick the stipulation for the SmackDown Women’s Championship match at Extreme Rules.

The sheer SIZE of this opportunity is not lost on @sarahloganwwe… #RAW #BeatTheClock pic.twitter.com/YkcgquaWrE

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 9, 2019

After some initial difficulty, Bayley set the bar at 4:32, which Nikki Cross comfortably surpassed. The Scotswoman then naturally made the title match a Kendo Stick on a Pole match, bringing the Bayley / Alexa Bliss feud full circle.

Just kidding, she made it a two-on-one handicap match. Because nothing says “extreme” quite like a two-on-one handicap match.

The Goat

As soon as Shane McMahon introduced Gary ‘The Goat’ Garbutt as Roman’s partner for the evening, I knew we were in for a treat. Not that Garbutt doesn’t come with significant credentials in his own right: he was a primary school spelling bee champion, and a three-time employee of the month. But his wrestling pedigree was distinctly lacking.

GARY GARBUTT IS READY FOR ACTION.

He teams with @WWERomanReigns to take on @shanemcmahon & @DMcIntyreWWE NEXT on #RAW! pic.twitter.com/g1D2vI3rGY

— WWE (@WWE) July 9, 2019

One thing he did have though – other than a comedically exaggerated limp – was a mask. And a man in a mask is a dangerous animal. You never know where those things have been. Or who’s under them. This could be another La Luchadora situation!

And our suspicions were soon proven justified, as ‘The Goat’ started clearing house toward the midpoint of the match. He performed a handspring enziguri, catapulted off the top rope and even nailed a tope suicida on McIntyre. Sadly, the cleaner’s momentum was brought to a sudden, devastating halt when the Scotsman landed a Claymore Kick from out of nowhere, allowing Shane to collapse into the pin.

Given the unexpected turn of events, the heels wanted to know the true identity of the man who had caused them such problems. And wouldn’t you know it, it was former 205 Live Champion, Cedrick Alexander! I didn’t know he was a spelling bee champion.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzrj9Cehm9r/

Why Alexander was suddenly aligned with Roman for what was presumably a one-night arrangement is anyone’s guess. How this plays into the wider feud between Roman and Shane is just as baffling. But in the absence of logic, I’ll gladly take fun every time. And this was fun.

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The Worst of Raw

Here We Go Again

Paul Heyman appeared on TV to once again vow that his client, Brock Lesnar, would be cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase this weekend against either Seth Rollins or Kofi Kingston.

But then he immediately followed that up by suggesting that he may be lying to screw with us. So really it was a collective waste of all our time.

.@HeymanHustle OUT!

Will #TheBeast @BrockLesnar in fact be at #ExtremeRules?! #RAW pic.twitter.com/HF4dPRgpYy

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 9, 2019

Prior to this non-announcement announcement, I felt a suspicion that a cash-in by the ‘Beast’ at Extreme Rules was a distinct possibility. He just seemed to have fallen off the radar enough for it to happen. Following Heyman’s tiresome babbling however, I now feel certain that he won’t be.

So if Heyman’s speech was intended to generate interest ahead of the event, it failed miserably.

Incoherent Stipulations

Becky Lynch and Seth Rollins took on Andrade and Zelina Vega in an elimination mixed tag match. That stipulation made absolutely no sense for reasons already addressed in a prior entry. Plus Michael Cole freely admitted as much when he correctly pointed out that Becky had effectively ruled herself out of the match by eliminating Vega.

One bad stipulation I can deal with though. It’s an implied condition of watching WWE programming that you’re going to get at least one. But then Raw once again violated my trust by making the very next match a two-out-of-three falls six-man tag between Miz & the Usos and Elias & The Revival.

#TheRevival & @IAmEliasWWE blew a 1️⃣-0️⃣ lead.@mikethemiz & The @WWEUsos pick up the WIN in this #2OutOf3Falls #6ManTag on #RAW! pic.twitter.com/gcT2KOMOxu

— WWE (@WWE) July 9, 2019

The last month notwithstanding, I’m fairly certain that I could count the number of two-out-of-three falls matches over the last twenty years on two hands. Now we’ve had at least five of them in the three weeks. It’s ridiculous and renders the initial stages of the match entirely irrelevant.

Regardless, Miz & The Usos won a well-worked yet ultimately meaningless match, after Elias walked out on his teammates.

The Backstage Profits

The Street Profits showed up again this week, for more backstage antics and to hype various matches on the Extreme Rules card. They’re like Lio Rush, but with championships.

Petition for The #Undertaker's new entrance theme to be "Holes and Souls" as performed by The #StreetProfits @AngeloDawkins & @MontezFordWWE on #RAW ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/JOqrN0LeNK

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 9, 2019

I still maintain that this is an entirely ineffective way of introducing the new act. If you were unfamiliar with the team’s exploits in NXT, these pointless little vignettes do nothing to demonstrate their in-ring ability.

A Storyline Worth Forgetting

Of all the narratives that have been arbitrarily stopped and started in recent years, the one WWE seems intent on persisting with is also the most tiresome.

A pregnant Maria Kanellis bickered with her husband backstage while expressing a strange food craving. As an admirably loyal Mike rushed off to find ice cream and pickles at 10pm in Newark, his wife openly wondered “What type of man taps out to a woman?“, in reference to his loss to Seth and Becky last week. Later in the evening, Maria again insinuated that Mike wasn’t the father of her child.

Ice cream and pickles. Get on it, @RealMikeBennett!#RAW @MariaLKanellis pic.twitter.com/NE7cBIVrPZ

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 9, 2019

I still have no idea where this storyline is headed, nor does it particularly peak my interest in any meaningful way. All it’s been able to do so far is absolutely bury poor Mike Kanellis.

A Moment of Backstage Interviews

Bayley and Nikki Cross had side-by-side interviews ahead of their Beat the Clock challenge later in the night, in which the winner would be granted the right to pick the stipulation for Bayley’s title defence against Alexa Bliss at Extreme Rules.

As per usual, Bayley tried to convince Cross that she was merely a puppet in Alexa Bliss’ plans, while Cross stubbornly refused to listen. There’s not really a whole lot to say here. It’s much the same as we’ve been seeing for weeks now.

"She's using you to beat the clock, to pick the stipulation at #ExtremeRules!"#SDLive #WomensChampion @itsBayleyWWE keeps trying to get through to @NikkiCrossWWE… #RAW pic.twitter.com/jW737ICvC6

— WWE (@WWE) July 9, 2019

Saving the segment somewhat was the reveal of the pair’s respective opponents for the aforementioned Beat the Clock challenge. Bayley would be taking on Sarah Logan, while Cross would face off against Dana Brooke.

The Raid is in Reverse

The Viking Raiders squashed a couple of jobbers on Raw. While I certainly appreciated seeing the domineering giants win, it nevertheless felt like this was a decided step backwards for the team. Just a few weeks ago they were picking up victories over the Tag Team Champions, now they’re beating nobodies.

Detracting from the moment further, the segment ended with all of the 24/7 lads running out to catch Drake Maverick. With all due respect, The Viking Raiders should never be sharing the spotlight with the 24/7 title picture.

You have to WATCH where you chase down the #247Champion, @TheCurtHawkins! #RAW #VikingRaiders pic.twitter.com/Vn443f8HVs

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) July 9, 2019

A Championship Recap

Ricochet stood in the ring to recap what happened between him and AJ Styles in recent weeks. Then AJ and The Good Brothers interrupted to not only explain their actions last week, but also introduce a long video package which essentially replayed exactly what had just been explained.

This ten-minute long stream of consciousness was eventually brought to a merciful end when Gallows challenged Ricochet to a match. The bigger man then proceeded to wail on the smaller one, until the United States Champion won via a sneaky roll up.

This wasn’t the end of this dud segment however. Because, you see, we had commercials to work around. So this match was really just the first in a – you guessed it – series of three! Ricochet next defeated Karl Anderson after again being on the receiving end of most of the offence.

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AJ Styles then pounced on the United States Champion and he and his cohorts beat Ricochet down for several minutes. If I sound unenthused by all of this, it’s because I really was.

A Tenuous Personal Relationship

All night long, Corey Graves kept pressing the idea that Seth and Becky’s relationship was so fragile that they would surely break up if they lost to Corbin and Evans on Sunday. Apparently this piece of rampant speculation was so vitally important that it needed to be put to the couple in a backstage interview.

#TheMan @BeckyLynchWWE has NO problem answering the tough questions, @WWEGraves… #RAW @WWERollins pic.twitter.com/q4wUvC8C0U

— WWE (@WWE) July 9, 2019

Becky quickly dismissed the frankly idiotic question and twice called Corey “Mr Emo Head”. I need a drink.

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Overall Rating of the Show (From best to worst: RawSome, Cor, AvRAWge, Poor and RawFul)

Per usual, Raw was a frustrating watch last night. Abysmal segments followed good in what has seemingly become Monday night’s proprietary blend of mediocrity.

Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to get back to regularly enjoying the red brand’s weekly offering. And the building blocks appear to be in place for that to happen, with Seth and Becky featuring prominently to start the show (although they’re still terrible together), Rey Mysterio returning from injury, Bayley and Nikki Cross continuing their intriguing build, and a surprisingly intriguing night-long through line involving Roman Reign’s mystery partner.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BzHm3OCB0MU/

But on a three hour show, that still leaves plenty of sub-standard material to endure. The two most recent NXT Tag Champs, Street Profits and The Viking Raiders, are failing miserably to get any sort of traction on the main roster. Poor Mike Kanellis continues to be mercilessly buried week after week, as part of a storyline that – mark my words – is destined to disappoint. But worst of all, Paul Heyman effectively ruled out a dramatic Money in the Bank cash-in this Sunday, ironically by guaranteeing that there would be… only to immediately suggest that he may be lying.

With that said, I found the product generally enjoyable, aided perhaps by the hot start and interesting primary story. So, for that reason, I’m happy to classify this week’s Raw as Cor.

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