Even before Raw kicked off this week, something happened that made me want to pull whatever’s left of my hair out of my head. Of course, I’m referring to the abomination of a teaser video that appeared on WWE’s YouTube channel midweek. It appears that not even our Thursday afternoons are safe from the pull of the red brand’s vortex of frustration. Well played, Baron Corbin.
For the lucky few who missed this assault on our common sense, allow me to fill you in. Stephanie McMahon issued a statement renouncing – nay, condemning – Brock Lesnar’s actions last week, promising that the McMahon family and WWE’s executive team will be taking steps against the ‘Beast’ for disrespecting the fans, the Money in the Bank briefcase and the company’s two main champions.
Okay, first off, I’m fairly sure she meant that WWE “DEnounced” Brock’s actions, as opposed to “REnouncing” them. Renouncing makes no sense. Second of all, “denounce” and “condemn” mean exactly the same thing! There are many things I can tolerate, but redundancy isn’t one of them.
We’re off to a shaky start here, Steph.
But it’s really the basis for her outrage that made me want to collapse on my face like Charlie Brown. McMahon tried to convince us that Brock had somehow insulted the fans, made a mockery of the briefcase and disrespected the champions by… turning the briefcase into a boombox? By teasing a cash-in, only to not follow through?
Stephanie does remember when the New Day filled the briefcase with pancakes, right? I don’t recall those actions ever being condemned. In fact we all shared a good belly laugh at the fun guys’ silly antics. As far as his unfulfilled cash-ins are concerned, well, she just described every briefcase holder, ever! Teasing cash-ins are what they do! Carmella attempted several during the eight years she held the briefcase. (I just checked, I think she actually held it for closer to 10 months.)
I’m not even going to address the blatant hypocrisy in the suggestion that Lesnar’s “Brock Party” somehow crossed a line. This is a company with a history of abduction, ritualistic sacrifice, home invasions and burning down family compounds. Just a week ago, Dolph Ziggler tried to murder Kofi Kingston by wrapping a chair around his throat! But wearing a hoodie and using a plastic briefcase like an imaginary boombox is where we draw the line.
All told, this was just another cynical, insulting attempt at storytelling, embodying the most infuriating aspects of the company. WWE needed Brock to announce his opponent ahead of Super ShowDown but, without having thought this story through in advance, they fell back on the crutch they so often rely upon. Authority figures and “corporate actions”. The irony is, of course, that Stephanie McMahon is guilty of the very things she accused Brock of. By pulling this nonsensical gibberish, it is in fact her that’s disrespecting the fans and the MITB briefcase.
But if there’s a bright side to this travesty, at least it guaranteed the presence of Brock on Raw this week. And the Undertaker was also advertised for the show. As was everyone scheduled for this Friday’s pay-per-view. Would all of this action translate to a good go-home edition of Raw? Let’s find out in the review.