WWE Raw Reunion – July 22, 2019 (Review)

WWE Raw Reunion – July 22, 2019 (Review)

The action or process of directing someone to the wrong place or in the wrong direction.

Those are the words that came to mind while contemplating the state of Raw midway through 2019. And by “came to mind”, I mean that I googled the definition of the word ‘misdirection’.

Because, when you look at the red brand’s latest attempt to reverse course on its fairly dismal trend of ratings – and poor ticket sales – I think misdirection is a fairly accurate assessment the company’s strategy.

Forget the incoherent storylines, here’s ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin! I know we haven’t built any stars in the last decade, but what about Ric Flair! And Hulk Hogan is still a star, right?

https://twitter.com/ProjectCiampa/status/1153406652747517952

Because above all else, Raw is about stars. It’s always been about stars. It will always be about stars. And when WWE can’t find them on its current roster, it will gladly turn someplace else. So Raw did what it does every time that ratings become an issue. They turned to the past.

With less than three weeks to go until SummerSlam, WWE announced a Raw Reunion, brushing aside its regular cast of nobodies in favour of the super, duper megastars of decades gone by.

Please ignore the malfunctioning product of recent weeks. Hey, I said don’t look over there… because here’s Rikishi! But would the misdirection work? Let’s get to the review.


The Best of Raw

Cena in the Building

The opening of Raw generally sets the tone of the rest of the show. Remember when Braun Strowman attempted to murder Bobby Lashley by driving him through the LED boards a couple of weeks ago? That was the kind of hot start that overcomes a lot of Raw’s usual mid-show hiccups.

And there was no hotter way to start a Raw Reunion than with a giant, luminescent green serving of one John Cena. The erstwhile ‘Doctor of Thuganomics’ received a rapturous reception before proceeding to run though some of the featured guests we’d be seeing for the next three hours.

With the energy high, the Usos burst onto the scene, inviting Cena to turn back the clock to his younger, more lyrical days. The ‘Doctor’ obliged and immediately made light of the Usos’ recent legal troubles. Uh-oh.

But then a diplomatic Rikishi turned up to diffuse the situation with his traditional big man booty-shake, which we sadly never got to see because The Revival (and D’Von Dudley) spoiled the fun.

If you were a fan of mid-2000s WWE, then firstly… what is wrong with you? It was terrible. But secondly, this is everything you hoped for. A fun, silly segment for what should be a fun, silly show.

Usos vs. The Revival

Somehow John Cena alluding to the Usos DUI arrest turned into a tag match between the brothers (with Rikishi in their corner) and The Revival (with D’Von Dudley in theirs). With so many acts to get through, I feel like this will be the first of many non sequiturs.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0PTt5CBFn0/

The match itself was standard WWE tag team fare, but that’s not to say that the two teams involved didn’t execute it well. The Revival were on top for most of it, until Jimmy Uso got the hot tag. D’Von and Rikishi found themselves in a tense stare down at ringside, which somehow distracted Scott Dawson long enough for the Usos to land a superkick and splash for the victory.

A Mouthwatering Matchup

Samoa Joe marched to the ring to express his reservations about the Raw Reunion format. That may be sugarcoating it somewhat – he called the Usos and Rikishi embarrassments.

This, naturally, brought out Roman Reigns, who decided it was time to defend his family honour and fight. It quickly emerged though that ‘The Big Dog’ had possibly bitten off more than he could chew, as Joe beat the ‘other Joe’ all around ringside. As Samoa Joe tossed Roman back into the ring however, he was met with a Superman Punch, sending him tumbling to the outside. A few terse words later, and we were gifted the enticing prospect of Reigns vs. Joe. What an awesome match for free TV!

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0PZkaABbqW/

And, for the most part, is was okay. Samoa Joe dominated most of the contest, eventually locking in the Coquina Clutch. Reigns, however, rolled through and hit the spear to claim victory.

A decent match, but I am starting to tire of seeing Joe get beaten week after week. At some point, your monster heel should probably be treated like… well, a monster heel.

The Voice of the People

Sami Zayn made a rare appearance at the lavish Raw Reunion Party to mock the returnees. In essence, he pointed out the obvious cynicism underpinning the show as a whole.

Dozens of people from Raw’s golden era had been invited back to draw cheap crowd pops and produce an artificial ratings bump. It was “like watching the Attitude Era through the FaceApp”, as he put it.

And he was entirely right. Per usual, Sami Zayn was the only person willing to point out the truth. And how was rewarded? With a match against Rey Mysterio. Which was set-up by Kurt Angle, because we needed another excuse to see another returning legend.

A very good match then ensued, which became markedly worse when Sami Zayn’s attempted escape was blocked by a hodgepodge grouping of Rob Van Dam, Sgt Slaughter, The Hurricane and Kurt Angle. This intervention allowed Mysterio to hit the 619 and frog splash for the win.

Make the Street Profits Bearable Again

In a welcome departure from their usual levels of obnoxious behaviour, the Street Profits were actually quite amusing this week.

Montez Ford found Angelo Dawkins using eye drops in order to recover from a couple of hours spent with RVD. Hopefully there aren’t any wellness tests scheduled for at least 3 to 5 weeks.

Much to Ford’s dismay, Dawkins then recounted that this private party was also attended by the Boogeyman, Mark Henry and Ric Flair. As someone who’s been highly critical of the Street Profits since their “call-up” to Raw, even I have to admit that both Dawkins’ delivery and Ford’s anguish at having missed out, were well executed.

Foley Meets ‘the Fiend’

Mick Foley appeared on Raw to reminisce about his fondest memories on the show. Before we could relive any leaps off – or falls through – cells, however, the lights started to go off.

Corey Graves mumbled something about a power failure, but the rest of us knew what was coming.

As the strobe lighting again turned on, we saw ‘The Fiend’ lurking beside the Hall of Famer. Wyatt immediately pounced on Foley, embodying all of the dread, horror and foreboding we’ve come to love about the character. As Foley was seen losing consciousness to Wyatt’s version of the Mandible Claw, in a twisted way my only thought was “man, this is awesome”. I probably should’ve been more concerned for the innocent, middle-aged bystander being attacked by this crazed lunatic.


The Worst of Raw

The Robotic Women

Alicia Fox was backstage, explaining to Dana Brooke the need to have a bigger hat come SummerSlam. The camera panned back to reveal Kaitlyn was also party to the RIVETING conversation, and before long Torrie Wilson also showed up.

The women then took turns complimenting one another on how good they look, in the kind of scripted, unnatural manner that only WWE can produce. This group of women couldn’t sound more stilted if they’d all recently been given frontal lobotomies.

It was embarrassing, especially for Torrie who WWE just a few months ago hailed as someone who transformed the company’s women’s division. Now she’s talking about hats. Good God.

Drake Maverick Saves His Marriage

Charley Caruso interviewed R-Truth on his recent escapades at San Diego Comic-Con, in which he foiled challenges to his 24/7 Championship from both Shane Helms (in his ‘Hurricane’ guise) and Drake Maverick… in a banana suit.

Cutting back to the live interview, an angry Renee Michelle turned up to accuse Truth of ruining her wedding and her marriage. These (admittedly well-founded) accusations caused Carmella to step in and the two women yelled at one another for a bit. As R-Truth tried to break up the fracas, Drake Maverick snuck up behind the Champion and rolled him up.

This segment fell well short of Drake Maverick furiously trying to maintain an erection while an undercover referee delivered him room service.

Oh, and then as the dust settled, the Godfather showed up to not say anything to anger advertisers. Non sequitur number three!

McIntyre Brutalises Alexander

In an effort to erase the humiliation of last week, Drew McIntyre again faced Cedric Alexander. This time though, the match didn’t even get underway as the ‘Scottish Psychopath’ jumped Alexander on the outside and proceeded to absolutely demolish the Cruiserweight.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0PVKsrhx8V/

So, humiliation erased, I guess? Which begs the question: what exactly was the point of having McIntyre lose last week then, if we’re only going to return to the status quo seven days later?

The 24/7 Carousel

In an effort to elude people who may want to take his newly-won belt away from him, Drake Maverick sought refuge in the only place you’ll apparently never find another wrestler. In the locker room.

Here, he opened his suitcase to discover an unsettling amount of earthworms, before the lights turned red, the Boogeyman appeared and Maverick fell over in shock.

Then none other than Pat Patterson walked in – with a referee, because why not – to find the 24/7 Champion on the ground. Patterson laid in a couple of gentle kicks, rested his foot on Maverick’s chest and the referee counted the three.

In an offscreen incident later in the evening, Gerald Brisco apparently took the belt off his former cohort. While celebrating his win, Briscoe rounded a corner and ran into Kelly Kelly. If only we could all be so lucky…

Anyway, she kneed him in the ‘nads and pinned him. Seriously, if only we could be so lucky…

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0PWyXnhLgP/

The hijinks continue! I’m not sure how much more I can possibly take. (More on that later.)

The Raid Is… Long

The Viking Raiders squashed Hawkins and Ryder next, with the best part being Lilian Garcia’s return to ring announcer duties. Although even she seemingly lost interest by the end of the match, as she forgot to announce the winners.

The worst part? Corey Graves calling the Viking Raiders “harbingers of unholy brutality carving a swath of destruction through the tag team division”. Utter gibberish. This nonsense gimmick is going to give me an aneurysm one of these days.

The Never-ending Burial

Is there a stranger sight at a dinner party than Mike Kanellis, Eve Torres and Eric Bischoff having a conversation? Before even being able to process that scene however, Maria interjected to berate poor, old Mike for not rubbing lotion on her belly to prevent stretch marks. Because if she got stretch marks, her modelling career would be over. And then the Kanellises would no longer be able to provide for their growing family, since Maria was the breadwinner.

As she stormed off, Ron Simmons grabbed Jimmy Hart’s megaphone for an amplified “DAMN!”

This storyline needs to end.

The Advocate and the Architect

Seth Rollins appeared on MizTV to openly ponder who wouldn’t want to be Brock Lesnar, with his bulging biceps, beady eyes and fat, red head. Well, apparently, Seth Rollins doesn’t want to be Brock Lesnar. In fact, Seth went so far as to say that Brock is a Seth Rollins wannabe.

This outlandish claim brought out Paul Heyman, who this week was not “Brock Lesnar’s advocate”, but rather “Seth Rollins’ dose of reality”. It’s a tough gig, but someone’s gotta do it.

When Rollins threatened to beat up the 5’9”, 53-year-old manager, Heyman cartoonishly scurried away, leaving ‘The Architect’ to once again vow to conquer the Beast at SummerSlam. Also, to prove that he stands amongst the best, Rollins would be facing AJ Styles later in the evening.

Other than the announcement of the match, none of this mattered.

Raw Reunion Party

Throughout the night, production routinely cut to Charley Caruso attending the Raw Reunion Party. Every time they did, all you saw was Jimmy Hart chatting up one of the women and Torrie Wilson dancing to no music.

Also at the party were at least three bundles of balloons, a couple of bottles of water and a bowl of fruit.

Clearly no expense was spared for this little shindig.

The Hijinks Continue!

For the love of God, please make it stop.

Melina revealed to Kelly Kelly that she had recently been awarded a referee’s licence, which allowed her count the pinfall when Candice Michelle attacked Kelly.

Almost immediately though, an incredibly fit-looking Alundra Blayze grabbed Michelle from behind to draw the submission. Blayze then made the startling admission that she wouldn’t be 24/7 Champion for long.

Yeah, no kidding.

Shortly after making this proclamation, Blayze walked onto stage, located a very conveniently-placed trash can, and threatened to dispose of the belt. Before she could, however, Ted DiBiase appeared.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Pf7L_BBpu/

The ‘Million Dollar Man’ offered to buy the 24/7 Championship, for what I assumed to the bargain price of two boxes of Cheerios and a sturdy pat on the back. Instead he pulled out a rather thick wad of cash and handed it over in exchange for the title.

You got ripped off, pal.

Rollins vs. Styles Degenerates

As had become the theme through the night, what promised to be a fantastic encounter between Seth Rollins and AJ Styles was interrupted by returning legends.

On this occasion, just as the match was building momentum, Degeneration-X showed up to provide backup to Seth Rollins. Uninvited, inexplicably, and entirely contrary to what’s happened between Rollins and Triple H over the last few years.

A few minutes later, Gallows and Anderson got their man disqualified by attacking Rollins, and then as DX entered the ring, tried to smooth things over by proposing a group ‘Too Sweet’.

This didn’t go over too well, however, and The Club was removed from the ring by DX and Rollins. This brought out Road Dogg, X-Pac, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash for some more old-man shenanigans, capped off by Rollins telling The Club to “suck it”.

And just like that, once again, two of the best talents in WWE were used to get over DX. We’re building stars!

The End of the 24/7 Saga

As Ted DiBiase climbed back into his limo, he was ostensibly jumped by Maverick, who had been hiding in the back seat.

Drake was then chased all over the arena by the regular collection of undercard talent – who suddenly appear even more impotent, considering the calibre of champions we’ve so far seen on the show.

Maverick then attempted to make a quick getaway with his wife, but as they climbed into what appeared to be the same limo used by Ric Flair and Ted DiBiase, he was rolled up by R-Truth, who then jumped into the vehicle as it rode off.

Initially distraught over the loss of his title, it took Maverick a second to realise that Truth had absconded not just with the 24/7 Championship, but also Drake’s wife! Finally, after hours of tedium, that last segment did make me laugh.

https://twitter.com/WWEMaverick/status/1153500216131239938

A Moment of Bliss

Alexa Bliss, flanked by best friend Nikki Cross, introduced Becky Lynch as her guest this week. Before ‘The Man’ even got a word out though, the show was crashed by Lynch’s SummerSlam opponent, Natalya.

The two women took a few boring verbal jabs at one another, before trading those in for actual physical jabs. The brief brawl was quickly quelled by a troupe of referees, bringing the curtain down on yet another pointless Moment of Bliss.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0PipKtBiV1/

Braun Murders A Jobber

Almost exactly three years ago to the day, Braun capped off a run of crushing jobbers by introducing the world to James Ellsworth. In July 2019, he’s still beating jobbers.

That’s career stagnation for you.

A Final Tribute

The Raw Reunion ended with a tribute to each of the former WWE talent who had appeared on the show last night, led by Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan.

Just as we neared our annual cap for nostalgia though, the glass shattered and ‘Stone Cold’ marched to the ring to a deafening roar from the crowd.

In the most charismatic, captivating, beer-infused way possible, ‘The Rattlesnake’ proceeded to shower the audience with sentimentality, recounting the joys he experienced – and all the friends he reconnected with – curtesy of the reunion special.

As pleasant as this was, it perfectly embodied the problem with the entire concept of the show. It was all about the returning faces. It was all nostalgia and sentimentality, and precisely zero story progression. Regular Raw programming (and the main talent associated with it) took a backseat to people like Kelly Kelly, The Boogeyman and Degeneration-X.

And that’s how Raw ended, with Austin sharing beers with his buddies from yesteryear, while the brand’s full-time roster presumably sat backstage, wondering if their invitations to the festivities had got lost in the mail.


Overall Rating for the Show (From best to worst: RawSome, Cor, AvRAWge, Poor and RawFul)

I struggled to evaluate this edition of Monday Night Raw. Because, as a reminder of past glory, I thought it was adequate if substandard. But as a weekly instalment in a wrestling show, designed to progress ongoing narratives and storylines, I thought it was downright abysmal.

Lest we forget, SummerSlam is less than three weeks away. And this show spent most of its runtime highlighting the absurdity of the 24/7 Championship, interspersed by the occasional Boogeyman, Ron Simmonds or Godfather gag.

As has become customary with these sorts of nostalgia shows, the current day performers were forced to take a backseat to the more well-known stars from the 80s, 90s and early 2000s. Even matches which pitted regular Raw wrestlers against one another were interrupted – and overshadowed – by returning faces.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Pl7D0Begf/

With the exception ‘The Fiend’s decimation of Mick Foley, everything else existed to service the past. The final shot summed this dilemma up perfectly, with Steve Austin sharing beers with the rest of his middle-aged pals, in a celebration to which none of the full-time roster was invited.

The more I think about this show, the more I resent its existence. Make no mistake, I love the Attitude Era. But we’re three weeks away from SummerSlam! I could go on forever, but suffice it to say that if you were looking for an advancement of your regular Monday night programming, this was not the place for you.

Raw this week was RawFul.

Let us know your thoughts on the Raw Reunion Show in the comments below. Follow WrestleTalk on Twitter, and join the conversation with the entire community on Discord.

5 years ago by Nicholas Holicki

Trending

Get the latest wrestling news straight to your inbox

By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from WrestleTalk