Wrestling is a lot like comics. It’s embarrassing, difficult to get into, way too costly for what it is, you wouldn’t want to meet its fans, and it features the full spectrum of human emotions condense to punching and screaming.
It also NEVER BLOODY ENDS, with storylines piling on top of backstories, Wikipedia-choking amounts of lore for every single character that stretches back years and years.
Sometimes the backstories for these characters make sense, they start out, face some challenges that grow and change them in understandable ways, but also sometimes, oh god damn that storyline didn’t work huh, bloody hell, retcon it and move on.
Wresbsters Wrestling Dictionary defines a retcon as retroactive continuity, i.e. remember that thing that happened a certain way? Shut up no you don’t it never happened that way you can’t remember it right because you’re a baby, baby want a bottle, baby doesn’t deserve a bottle, cos baby made a poo poo.
To be clear, this isn’t about when a wrestler changes gimmick, this is about the times in wrestling where we all remember a very important thing about a character, but that thing is ignored because whoops.
I’m Adam, hailing from partsFUNknown and here are the 10 Biggest Retcons In Wrestling History.
10. Rikishi: Attempted Murderer
Ri-Quiches Lorraine is a Hall of Famer and that’s fantastic.
Before he settled on the gimmick of ‘have butt will travel’, Solofa Fatu Jr. had a bunch of gimmicks that didn’t quite work out, he was a headshrinker, make a difference Fatu who kept it real for the kids, and of course, the Sultan, oh no the sultan.
Since he became Rikishi he hasn’t looked back, and neither have we, because we’ve all collectively agreed to ignore the fact that, in official WWE lore, Rikishi is a straight-up, legit attempted murderer.
He was a happy guy who danced, then he ran down Stone Cold Steve Austin at top speed, and tried to do so several more times, then everyone thought that was weird, and then he went away for a bit, then came back as a happy guy who danced and everyone was like, yay Rikishi no problems here.
Look at that butt, Yolo, and when he was inducted into the hall of fame, his video package just kinda left the whole hit and run thing out.
9. Dominik Guerrero
Dominik Mysterio, or Dominik Guerrero – the real ones know – has a pretty huge future ahead of him.
I mean, when you’re mixing it up with Brock Lesnar, and your first official match is against Seth Freakin’ Rollins at Summer Freakin Slam, it’s fair to say WWE has high hopes for him, and if he were alive today his biological father Eddie Guerrero would be very proud.
The year was 2005, and in one of the great so-bad-it’s-good storylines WWE ever did, Eddie had a secret, and that secret was, he was actually the biological Papi to Rey’s son Dominik, pictured here during one of his rare televised appearances being shorter than Rey Mysterio.
The master of the 619 admitted, yes Dominik is Eddie’s biological son, but he was his proper father and so the two men settled it the only way the American legal system recognizes, with a custody briefcase ladder match at SummerSlam.
Wonderful bollocks, that WWE has chosen to retcon out of existence, with Dominik now retconned to being once again Rey’s biological and gigantic son.
8. That Time Vince Died
Yeah, I mean, this should be number one but I don’t want to end the list on it, and so I’m not going to.
It’s the most abrupt, zero pretense, handbrake on, immediate halt to a storyline in WWE history for a very good reason. It’s mentioned a lot but just in case this is your first rodeo, in June 2007, WWE began what was supposed to be their biggest storyline in years.
Vince stepped into a limousine, the limousine blew up and WWE announced he was presumed dead, Steph appeared on raw and acted like Vince was dead, there was going to be a funeral, Vince’s brother Rod was going to be a big onscreen character, it would run all the way to ‘Mania.
Of course, WWE scrapped the entire thing when they discovered the real-life deaths of Chris Benoit and his family. Two weeks after blowing up, Vince appeared onscreen to introduce the Benoit memorial episode of Raw, then again on ECW when the full details emerged.
Two months later Vince came back to Raw (Aug. 6) said he blew himself up to see if people cared about him, then the company echoed the image of Vince getting into limo before Coach served him with paternity papers for an illegitimate child. SIGH. Onto lighter things.