Even by the low standards that the show has set for itself in recent weeks, the opening to Raw felt like a missed opportunity. One of the major cliffhangers coming out of last week was the hotly anticipated announcement of who the competitors representing the red brand in the Money in the Bank ladder match would be.
I use the words “hotly anticipated” quite incorrectly there because last week we were told that Alexa Bliss would simply be announcing the names of the four lucky Raw stars. Aside from subverting any possible intrigue by having the names blandly read off a list, the question remains: “Why on Earth is Alexa Bliss still the voice of management?” I could sort of forgive this when she was the host of WrestleMania 35, but has she not returned to just being a regular wrestler now? How does any of this work? And why is Baron Corbin still dressing like a frustrated casino worker?! None of this makes any sense.
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It’s hard to explain why WWE could ever expect this to be an exciting story beat. Anyone who’s ever been to school knows that announcements are innately boring. And Raw built two entire segments around them last night.
The Usos appear to have a new gimmick, in which they run to the ring with microphones yelling “Down since Day One Ish” repeatedly. The music then stops for a few seconds while they climb into the ring, before starting up again to allow them to hop around some more and continue singing. This was like a less cool version of R-Truth’s entrance. (I know, I can’t believe I said that either.)
They then faced – and beat – the still actively employed Anderson and Gallows in a pretty slow match, which the crowd largely ignored. This was followed up by the victors playing a video they took in the changing rooms of Dash Wilder shaving Scott Dawson’s back. Because that’s the most egregious thing that’s ever happened in a WWE locker room.
Why couldn’t they just have lost their first names like everyone else undergoing a gimmick change?
The Evolution of Bobby Lashley
Bobby Lashley was invited to be a guest on this week’s MizTV, in which Bobby Lashley spent a lot of time speaking about Bobby Lashley in the third person. He also questioned The Miz’s credentials and called MizDad a “fake potato face”. This led to a brawl between the two men, which was converted to a singles match post commercial break.
Quick as a whippet though, Shane McMahon skipped out onto the ramp, calling for a photo of the aforementioned MizDad to be put on the Titantron. What a scoundrel! The sight of his emotionless father was enough of a distraction for Lashley to spear Miz for the pin. Shane took advantage of the situation to knock around Miz for a bit before choking him out.
I haven’t heard Bobby Lashley’s name this often in months. Unfortunately the only person saying it was Bobby Lashley himself. Clearly his revised character is ‘guy who refers to himself in the third person a lot’. As physically impressive as Lashley is, the second coming of the Rock this was not.
Also, the feud between Shane O’Mac and The Miz shall continue, as it was later announced that they would be competing in a cage match at Money in the Bank. I’m largely fine with that.
They bickered amongst themselves for a while before Naomi challenged Bliss to a match, which Bliss begrudgingly accepted. The selling point of this contest was that Alexa wasn’t wearing the proper shoes and her laces kept coming undone (a point raised on commentary to an annoying degree). Ultimately the odds were just too much for Bliss to overcome and Naomi won following an impressive split-legged moonsault.
Rewinding for a second: I did laugh when, after a noticeably unenthusiastic introduction, Natalya’s first words were “Wow Alexa, thank you for that lovely introduction.” I have no idea whether that was intentional or not, but it made Natalya look like an absolute dork.
That’s all this segment deserves.
The Chosen Few
Admittedly, this criticism comes down to a matter of personal preference. But I struggle to see the rationale behind having Natalya and Dana Brooke comprise two of the Raw side’s four announced competitors in the MITB match. Neither is known for the fast-paced, electric offence that you’d expect to see in a ladder match, nor are they even close to being over with the fans. A quick look at the red brand’s women’s roster makes me think that Ruby Riott or Sarah Logan would have made far better candidates. Sarah Logan actually received quite a pop when it appeared that she’d won the WrestleMania Battle Royal earlier this month. It would’ve been nice to see WWE to try capitalise on that.
I’m quickly tiring of Sami’s routine of berating the crowd week after week. The pattern has been the same for the fourth consecutive week now. The WWE audience is entitled, patronising and drunk with power.
As excellent as Zayn is in these promos, his words just ring somewhat hollow. Despite having a point about the fans being unfairly critical of some wrestlers and the product as a whole, his complaints would make a lot more sense if the fans did indeed dictate the direction of the company.
But weeks of seeing Baron Corbin in the main event and years of an absent Brock Lesnar sitting atop the division have made it clear that fan sentiment means absolutely nothing. It was that message being repeatedly drilled into the minds of the WWE audience that has contributed to flailing ratings. Zayn feels troublingly like a mouthpiece here, channelling Vince McMahon’s true feelings towards the fanbase.
So not only are Sami’s attacks falling on deaf ears, but he’s still no closer to finding any sort of feud to feed off. It has to be said that thus far, his return from injury has been fairly unremarkable.
Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins picked up the win over a very smooth-looking The Revival, by way of fluky roll-up pin. These guys had no momentum heading into WrestleMania when they won the belts, and have been booked to hold onto them through nothing more than luck, good fortune and sneaky pins. This has ‘B-Team levels of awful’ written all over it.
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