WWE Raw – May 6, 2019 (Review)

The Worst of Raw

Monday Night SmackDown

As mentioned in the introduction, Raw’s ratings have been rather disappointing of late, prompting Vince McMahon to call in the big guns. Or the Big Dogs, as it turned out.

First Roman came out to continue his strange feud with a 73-year-old pensioner and his middle-aged son. Then Daniel Bryan decided to return in order to demand his rematch with the man who bested him at WrestleMania. And finally, the man in question, Kofi Kingston, appeared to confront Bryan.

As great as all three of these men are, were they really expected to boost viewership? Aside from overlooking the obvious flaw in that logic – namely that these same men have been headlining a sharply declining SmackDown for the last month – what was the plan here? While Roman’s appearance had been advertised, neither Kofi’s nor Bryan’s were. So why would anyone be convinced to tune in to see wrestlers they didn’t know would be appearing on the show?

More to the point, why were any of these men on Raw? What business did they have to resolve on Monday night that couldn’t have waited for SmackDown?

Who knows. The segment ended with Vince booking Roman to face Drew McIntyre (again) and Kofi to defend his WWE Championship against Daniel Bryan. The WWE Chairman then called himself a genius and walked away.

This was just like the morning after one of my birthday parties. I woke up to find a lot of half-empty bottles of soft drink lying around the house, which I decided to mix together into a delicious cocktail. I thought I was a genius then too. Except I was nine at the time.

The “Wild Card Rule”

Vince attempted to make sense of this cross-promotional nonsense by announcing that on certain occasions, three members of the SmackDown roster would be appearing on Raw, while on others, three members of the Raw roster would be appearing on SmackDown.

WILD CARD RULE?! @VinceMcMahon just had an epiphany…

What if he allowed 3 Superstars from #SDLive to head to #RAW and vice versa on a regular basis? pic.twitter.com/Ws2NBTzpM4

— WWE (@WWE) May 7, 2019

This is perhaps the kind of unexpected premise that I would have appreciated in my adolescent years. But now it just reeks of a desperate attempt to create some buzz, at the expense of coherent storytelling.

I can handle the mockery this makes of the brand split, which was apparently motivated by broadcaster demands. But it’s hard to see how any meaningful story beats can develop across the one random week when three wrestlers aimlessly float between brands.

Rebuild. Reclaim. Recycle.

One of the first things that Roman Reigns grumbled upon his return to the red brand was that his only masters were the WWE fans.

“If they keep making all this noise, I’m gonna show up every single Monday.“

We’ve been down this road before, with Reigns being overexposed while the entire company is hoisted on his shoulders. It doesn’t end well.

Champ & Challenger Take On The Midcard of Evil

Seth Rollins and AJ Styles teamed up to take on the main event pairing of Baron Corbin and Bobby Lashley this week. It was a relatively slow match, built around chin locks and rest holds.

Eventually though, Styles and Rollins appeared to get the upper hand, only for the number one contender to accidentally (or perhaps not?) hit the Universal Champion with a Phenomenal Forearm.

NOT PHENOMENAL, @AJStylesOrg!@WWERollins is in serious trouble now… #RAW pic.twitter.com/Z1ZaUOP7zX

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019

Overcome with apathy – or perhaps sheer embarrassment – Styles then abandoned his partner to The Axis of Inconsequence. One End of Days later and Baron Corbin had pinned Raw’s top champion. Baron gets another accolade for the ring announcer to recite during his entrance and we slowly stumble our way towards Money in the Bank.

Sami Zayn is Trash… Apparently

Zayn returned to the ring to continue his derisive diatribe aimed at the fans. I’ve been rather critical of the substance of these promos of late, but there’s no denying that the Canadian is one of the most compelling talkers in the company.

One of the questions people have been asking since Zayn returned from injury has been who the former NXT standout would face in his first feud.

This week, that question may have been answered, as Zayn’s monologue was interrupted by Braun Strowman, who chased ‘the Underdog from the Underground’ all around the arena before finally catching up with him in the loading area. Here, the ‘Monster Among Men’ tossed Zayn into a dumpster, before a very well-placed garbage truck suddenly sprang to life – almost as if it had received some sort of cue. It then lifted the waste bin, turfing its contents into the back, to be taken to the dump.

Just in case we ever thought that perhaps Zayn was being built into a star, that misapprehension was quickly corrected in one short, awful segment.

Money in the Bank Qualifiers

One week after Ricochet was announced as a competitor for the Money in the Bank ladder match, he was asked to put his place on the line in a match against Robert Roode. The reason for this was presumably the obvious criticism WWE drew as a result of having Ricochet in the match, while excluding the man who had beaten him on Raw the previous week.

This dilemma could easily have been avoided by having actual qualifiers last week to determine the competitors in the pay-per-view match. But instead WWE decided to simply announce them without any clear criteria in place.

So this match was a deeply cynical ploy, born from incompetent booking, for the sole reason of papering over a plot hole of WWE’s own creation.

Of course, Ricochet defeated Roode in quick order to retain the status quo. The timeline was restored and all it cost was Robert Roode’s momentum.

Lucha House Party

Did you know that Lucha House Party love to have fun?

Well this week, fun meant beating a nameless jobber in a pointless three-on-one handicap match. Just a reminder here – Lucha House Party are babyfaces.

Lord help me.

The LUCHA! LUCHA! LUCHA! party rages on as @WWEGranMetalik @KalistoWWE & @LuchadorLD pick up the win! #RAW pic.twitter.com/3gJi1Se9gh

— WWE (@WWE) May 7, 2019

The Raid Continues

The Viking Raiders defeated Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins in under a minute, in a match that wasn’t for the tag belts and seemingly meant nothing. Another example of excellent storytelling.

“Ucey Hot”

First we were reminded that The Revival occasionally shave each other’s backs, in a video recap of last weeks’ antics. This was followed by the revelation that the Usos had contaminated The Revival’s trunks with something called “Ucey Hot”, which caused such unbearable discomfort that both Dash and Dawson were crawling around the ring, rubbing their privates on the canvass.

They may be TOP Guys, but @ScottDawsonWWE & @DashWilderWWE are very worried about their BOTTOMS right about now… #RAW #UceyHot pic.twitter.com/SgNx5jMuwL

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019

So I guess you haven’t signed that contract extension then yet, hey lads?

• review
• RAW
• Roman Reigns
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