WWE SmackDown – December 6, 2019 (Review)

We’re one week away from the TLC pay-per-view and this is the card as it currently stands.

…

That’s it. One. Week. Away.

WWE has reportedly decided that its best move, from a business standpoint, is to withhold announcing the card until the final moments before the show. We could debate for hours about the rationale behind such a move, but there’s perhaps an even more pressing concern.

Does it even matter?

Does it matter whether the card is revealed a month ahead of the pay-per-view, or mere hours before it’s due to begin? I’m not sure it does. At least not judging by WWE’s current template.

Think back to when this practice first began, at Hell in a Cell. On that occasion, only four matches had been announced well in advance of the show. They were the respective women’s title matches, Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan’s challenge of Rowan and Harper, and the infamous encounter between Seth Rollins and The Fiend. And, for the most part, these were the only matches remotely worth discussing once the night had ended.

The balance of the card, haphazardly thrown together as it was, added remarkably little to the experience. Does anyone remember Natalya submitting Lacey Evans? Or Chad Gable pinning King Corbin? What about The Viking Raiders and Braun Strowman defeating The O.C.?

It was all just meaningless filler, designed to pad out the event’s runtime. And dare I say, the same could easily happen next Sunday. The rumoured matches for TLC so far include a meeting between Roman Reigns and Baron Corbin, a personal grudge match between Rusev and Bobby Lashley, and my own personal hell incarnate of Bayley facing off with Lacey Evans. Do any of those matches inspire, whether you found out about them on the TLC pre-show or weeks in advance? Are these last-minute announcements really going to convince you to subscribe to the WWE Network?

Surely the only thing that matters is quality, not immediacy.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5ve7ooAifM/

So SmackDown needed, at a bare minimum, to inject some purpose to proceedings. To provide some forward momentum and make me care about a pay-per-view just nine days away. Most importantly perhaps, the blue brand needed to show at least some of its cards and give the audience a sense of the final destination. We could then start to get excited… or, at a bare minimum, reconcile ourselves to what lies in store.

With that in mind and plenty to address… on with the review!

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The Best of SmackDown

The Fiend Finds a New Family

The Miz was due to present WWE’s most tolerated chat show, with his guest Daniel Bryan. But naturally, given the attack that Bryan sustained on last week’s SmackDown, that wasn’t going to happen. Apparently, according to The Miz, Daniel Bryan has been missing since The Fiend dragged him beneath the ring seven days ago. But he (The Miz) was on the trail and vowed to crack the case of the missing wrestler.

There's @WWEDanielBryan… ❌❌❌❌#SmackDown #FireflyFunHouse @WWEBrayWyatt pic.twitter.com/oo20DhMveG

— WWE (@WWE) December 7, 2019

Then Bray Wyatt appeared on the Titantron, adding a photo of Bryan to his Wall of Friends. Wyatt advised against searching for D-Bry, as he may currently be in The Fiend’s clutches. In any event, Wyatt revealed, Bryan was in no condition to compete at TLC. So, since Miz was being such a “snoop-a-roo”, perhaps he wanted to play instead?

A panicked Rambling Rabbit cautioned Miz against accepting the invitation, but not before revealing that “Family” was the Word of the Day. Bray angrily pushed the puppet aside but acknowledged that “Family” was indeed the Word of the Day. He reminisced about the family he used to have (as flashes of the Wyatt Family filled the screen), before suggesting that Miz had helped him find a new family. At that point, Wyatt raised a photograph of Miz, Maryse and their two children. For a happy family portrait, this was absolutely chilling in the hands of Wyatt.

Wanna play with him now, @mikethemiz?#SmackDown #FireflyFunHouse @WWEBrayWyatt pic.twitter.com/Iayt1RSFJT

— WWE (@WWE) December 7, 2019

Miz angrily stormed up the ramp, to place a panicked call to his family, while the sweater-wearing lunatic cheerfully waved goodbye. This was a picture-perfect (no pun intended) opening segment. SmackDown artfully managed to replace Bryan with The Miz – pushing the feud with Bryan to a bigger show – and presented Bray Wyatt as a terrifying force. Someone who threatens another’s family without saying a single ominous word. It was awesome.

Glorious Tag Team Chaos

SmackDown featured a Fatal Four-way, tag team elimination match to determine the number one contenders to the New Day’s titles. Man, I thought match descriptions like that were saved for Saudi Arabia. All it was missing were the words “World Cup” somewhere.

The teams involved were Heavy Machinery, Lucha House Party, The Revival and (surprisingly) Mustafa Ali and Chad Gable.

https://twitter.com/WWE205Live/status/1203128449256177665

This was an incredible fifteen minutes, amplified by the New Day’s infectious excitement on commentary. After an initial skirmish, Heavy Machinery eliminated Lucha House Party. Then, following a gorgeous Caterpillar, The Revival combined to roll up Otis to record the second elimination.

That left Gable & Ali and The Revival. The two teams brawled around the outside, until Ali and Gable sent The Revival careening into New Day at the commentary desk. This briefly ignited a bit of acrimony between the tag champs and the babyface duo.

Everything about this sequence is beautiful. #SmackDown @WWEGable @AliWWE pic.twitter.com/QTTDppnkyB

— WWE (@WWE) December 7, 2019

Once things had calmed down at ringside, the action really picked up in the ring. After a sequence of high-flying manoeuvres, Gable locked Wilder in the Ankle Lock. But Dash was able to roll through, sending Gable into an uppercut from Dawson. A dazed Shorty G turned around directly into a Shatter Machine and The Revival secured another shot at the New Day. A post-match promo served to heighten anticipated ahead of TLC, but truthfully I’m already sold.

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The Worst of SmackDown

Basic Goddess vs. Golden Goddess

A week after Sonya Deville lost to Nikki Cross in uninspired fashion, their respective tag team partners squared off on last night’s SmackDown. Never forget that this feud started because Mandy Rose thinks Nikki Cross is unattractive. Let that sink in for a second.

There are no words for this day and night. So incredible grateful, thank you. #SmackDownOnFox

— Jessika Carr (@WWELadyRefJess) December 7, 2019

Either way, this match also marked the first appearance by Jessika Carr as a full-time SmackDown official. Believe it or not, that was enough of a bright spot to carry me through the opening minutes. But when Mandy Rose started ripping off Alexa Bliss’ fake eyelashes, while the ‘Goddess’ screamed in anguish as if something women do routinely somehow caused her unimaginable pain, I started to daydream. Remember when Bliss was one of the company’s top heels (male or female) and Sonya Deville was pegged as a budding star? I miss those days.

Lost an eyelash, won the match. #SmackDown @AlexaBliss_WWE @NikkiCrossWWE pic.twitter.com/3qtCoSPTe2

— WWE (@WWE) December 7, 2019

Anyway, Mandy soon started screaming that Bliss would “never look like her” – conveniently ignoring the fact that they already look remarkably similar. And then Alexa hit the Twisted Bliss for the win. After the match, Michael Cole called the removal of Bliss’ fake eyelashes “humiliating”. Forget ripping the hair out of his scalp, according to Cole, the ultimate embarrassment would’ve seen The Fiend pull Bryan’s eyelashes out.

The Tribulations of… Drake Maverick

Maverick was again unsuccessfully hitting on Dana Brooke backstage, when Elias suddenly materialised to sing a song poking fun at Maverick’s recent “dry spell” as well as insinuate that the crooner had slept with Drake’s wife.

This apparently made Maverick angry enough to march to the ring to air his grievance, but apparently not so angry that he would simply punch Elias backstage. Once in front of the live crowd, Drake indignantly ranted that no-one makes a mockery out of his marriage or his wife. Hold on a minute – wasn’t Maverick just hitting on Dana Brooke two minutes earlier?

.@WWEMaverick: @IAmEliasWWE, you and me are gonna FIGHT! #SmackDown

Also @WWEMaverick: pic.twitter.com/gsZBoBCkW9

— WWE (@WWE) December 7, 2019

Seemingly none of this context mattered, as it really only served to justify a match between Elias and Maverick. Elias toyed with the smaller man for a moment, before delivering a few spankings and booting him up the backside. Ladies and gentlemen, your Friday night entertainment.

The segment ended with Elias delivering the Drift Away and Dana Brooke resting a foot on Maverick for the pin. What a monumental waste of time.

The Miz Finds More Than He’s Looking For

The Miz was scouring the backstage area in search of The Fiend. Eventually he found a room bathed in red light (a dead giveaway of Fiend-related activity). Perched on a shelf was the photograph of Miz’s family, which The Fiend had used to lure him out, but which now featured Wyatt photoshopped into Miz’s position. With the babyface distracted, Bray Wyatt blindsided him from behind and mockingly placed the photo on his downed foe’s chest. When The Miz came to, Wyatt (and the photograph) had disappeared.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5wLzqlhCA_/

I didn’t hate this segment, but it just felt unnecessary. We had already had the set-up at the start of the night. All that needed to happen was for Miz to accept Wyatt’s offer to “play” with him. As a minor gripe too, I’m confused whether Bray Wyatt is a troubled (yet relatively harmless) character who summons The Fiend to attack his opponents, or a menacing, malicious force in his own right.

When Seth invaded the Funhouse a couple of months ago, Wyatt was a helpless victim. Now he’s attacking people from behind. I’m confused.

The fallout revealed that Miz would take on Bray Wyatt (not The Fiend) at TLC in a non-title contest.

An Embarrassing Situation

Kayla Braxton secured an interview with Roman Reigns in which the “Big Dog” vowed to embarrass Baron Corbin at TLC. I’m pretty sure we already crossed that line the night Corbin introduced the world to a grown man in a dog costume.

A Champion Floundering

Lacey Evans faced a local competitor by the name of Haley Jones last night, who I believe had a type of Ringmaster gimmick. And I’m not talking about the WCW version.

You scared, Sasha? #SmackDown @LaceyEvansWWE @SashaBanksWWE pic.twitter.com/HoZrdjjCuR

— WWE (@WWE) December 7, 2019

In case you missed it, Evans is a babyface now that she’s feuding with Bayley. A turn apparently communicated by the fact that she now salutes during her entrance. It may sound like I’m down on this dynamic, but truthfully I’ve always had faith in Evans’ potential. Maybe Vince McMahon and I are more alike than I thought.

Anyway, Evans quickly dispatched of Jones, leading to Sasha Banks coming out. She ran down Evans for a bit, before making the mistake of mentioning the ‘Sassy Southern Belle’s daughter. Lacey naturally took exception to the comment, before weirdly transitioning to about three mentions of having served in the United States Marine Corps. Gotta get those pops in I suppose. And in truth it kind of worked, as the crowd soon started chanting Evans’ name.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5wR9XmhiAA/

Banks and Evans got face-to-face, but Sasha quickly crumpled to the mat as soon as Lacey raised her fist. As Evans made her may up the ramp, however, she was flattened by Bayley. I suppose Lacey got slightly more over as a babyface here, but it certainly didn’t serve to escalate tensions with Bayley in any meaningful way. There wasn’t even really a beatdown by the heel duo.

Corbin Makes Good on His Promise

Dolph Ziggler and Roman Reigns had a match that I just couldn’t get into, try as I might. Perhaps it was hampered by the fact that any enthusiasm I felt for Ziggler left me about five years ago. Or perhaps it was the 90 SECOND(!) rest hold that brought proceedings to an excruciating standstill at the midpoint.

We've got company. 👑 #SmackDown @BaronCorbinWWE pic.twitter.com/dXEoXRYUoA

— WWE (@WWE) December 7, 2019

Regardless, by the time Baron Corbin was carried to the ring on his throne of douchbagery, I was done. I still have no idea why Ziggler and Roode aligned themselves with Corbin, who despite his lofty title, carries absolutely zero power or political sway.

Ziggler hit a Zigg-Zagg, which Roman obviously kicked out of. For some reason this angered Corbin and so he decided to argue with the referee from the apron, where Roman could conveniently reach him with the Superman Punch. A few seconds later, he speared Ziggler for the win.

After the match, Reigns got into a tussle with Corbin’s security lads, sparking a fight between the ‘Big Dog’ and the self-annointed King. Roman appeared set to powerbomb Corbin through the announce table, until Ziggler came to his boss’ aid. He superkicked Reigns, before handcuffing him to a ring post.

From here, Corbin, Ziggler and the security force took turns battering Reigns, while the SmackDown officials stood idly by, keeping a safe distance. At this point I was praying for the show to end, but Ziggler and Corbin had one more soul-crushing moment in store. They pulled out cans of dog food from God-knows-where and emptied the contents all over Reigns.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5wWnmMBXYi/

It was absolutely disgusting, but more from a personal hygiene perspective than as a vile heel act. I still feel nothing for this Reigns / Corbin feud, which seems to have been running for years at this point.

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Overall Rating for the Show (From best to worst: Smacknificent, SmackTastic, Smack Bang in the Middle, SmackDowner and A Smack in the Face)

SmackDown ended on such an abysmal note that I needed to go back and rewatch some of the earlier stuff, just to remind myself that the show wasn’t an abject failure.

Honestly though, everything involving Baron Corbin has simply been unwatchable of late. And even that wouldn’t be so damaging to the product overall if it weren’t so agonisingly long. The final angle featuring a boring match between Reigns and Ziggler, a mediocre brawl around ringside and Corbin smearing dog food all over the ‘Big Dog’ accounted for almost 25 minutes of the total runtime. That’s simply too much awfulness to ignore!

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5vzdC5lAIm/

And it almost completely overshadowed what was otherwise some truly inspired work from the blue brand. I soon became fully invested in the quickly developed rivalry between Bray Wyatt and The Miz, centring around veiled (yet rather unsettling) threats to Miz’s family. The tag team division too, suddenly feels like it’s been imbued with newfound momentum. The four-way elimination match to crown the number one contenders was excellent.

Sadly, nothing else clicked and SmackDown dragged as a result. I haven’t bought into Lacey Evans as a compelling babyface yet, and both Elias’ and Alexa Bliss’ returns have left much to be desired. Speaking of “desire”, Mandy Rose is getting on my nerves.

All told, there was a little bit of brilliance and a lot of frustration on this week’s show. For that reason, SmackDown was a low Smack Bang in the Middle.

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• December 6
• review
• Smackdown
• wwe

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