WWE really know how to put a lot of things into a show, don’t they?
Normally I would do some sort of prologue to my review, but there’s just way too much to get through and I’ve got to be in bed soon or it’ll get dark.
As predicted by me, and countless others (but mainly me), Brock once again killed Roman with steel chairs and steps and everything else in the WWE that is all made of steel.
They’re continuing to do their best to make Brock look like an unstoppable monster, which will make Roman’s win at ‘Mania even more special.
Everyone knows what’s happening, and as I’ve said week after week, the knowledge of what’s going to happen at WrestleMania completely dilutes any real anticipation.
The only ounce of intrigue is how many F5s Roman will kick out of. My guess is three.
Speaking of in-ring murder, Asuka killed a jobber. RIP.
And the ring-side homicide (thanks) didn’t stop there, as Ronda Rousey killed absolution. This was hilarious.
Ronda is interrupted while giving a completely emotionless promo by Paige, Mandy Rose, and Sonya Deville. Yes, I’m also trembling with fear.
Paige talks up Absolution, who in fact have a win-loss record of about 3-568 at the last count. No-one in the crowd bought into it for a second.
All I now know is that Ronda is good at making people fall over, but so are bananas, so it’s not even that impressive – plus I now want a banana!
That was the last of the killing for the night. OH WAIT, no it wasn’t.
Nia Jax killed Mickie James, again, as predicted, and then “ran” after Alexa Bliss again. Nia mate, don’t tire yourself out before WrestleMania, you’ve literally got a match already, there’s no point in chasing her.
I actually think that was the end of the murder, so next week tune in for the go home show of Raw, or as it will be known if the Undertaker appears, “One Undeading and Five Funerals.”
More of the Undertaker later, but for now let’s talk about everyone’s favorite storyline; Bayley and Sasha Banks.
If last week’s segment looked like two teenage girls arguing in a classroom, this week was something else. They actually got them to fight in what looked like a high school locker room.
At least they’re finally fighting, and at least the end of this feud is finally upon us. Once it’s all over, the two will be able to move on and probably become best friends again and we can do it all over. Yay!
Elias was back, and I’d forgotten how much I missed him. After telling Cleveland that their town sucks, he easily beat Rhyno and proceeded to attack his tag-team partner, Heath Slater.
And speaking of Elias and tag-teams…
If rumors are to be believed, Elias will form an unlikely team with Braun Strowman to face the Bar at WrestleMania 34. On last night’s show, Strowman beat Sheamus to add to his victory over Cesaro from last week.
He continued to refuse to reveal his partner, meaning we might not know until the go home show at the very earliest. I kind of hope they wait to announce it at WrestleMania, and I more than sort of hope they do a swerve and it’s James Ellsworth. Having said that, I would have no complaints about it being Elias.
I will happily admit that the Miz and his ‘tourage fooled me. I completely bought into them having a fight among themselves, but had to smile ruefully to myself when it was a swerve.
Somehow, the Miz still managed to end up on his rump, which left Finn Balor to stand in the middle of the ring holding the belt. This probably means that Rollins is going to win, but even though I sound like a broken record, please keep the title on the Miz, the other two really don’t need it.
This led to a filler match between the Miztourage and Gallows and Anderson later in the night, with the latter picking up an easy win. Fine.
The show’s main event was Kane (yes, really) against John Cena in a No-DQ match. Cena obviously won, pulling off an AA through a table, and went on the mock the Undertaker further.
Seriously, John, you’re going to upset him if you keep attacking his feelings. Just cut it out already.
Once again, ‘Taker no showed, but no match was set up for Cena next week, so you would expect, as it’s the show before ‘Mania, that Taker will appear.
Cena has beaten everyone in his way to get to the Undertaker. Kane…well that’s it really, unless you count Goldust. There’s a thought, maybe Goldust is the reincarnation of the Undertaker. Now there’s a story I could buy into.
Oh well, we’ll get our gong soon enough I’m sure, but until then, we can rest easy in the knowledge that no matter how good WWE makes Stephanie McMahon look in video packages, there’s no way in hell she’s beating Ronda and Kurt at ‘Mania.
Oh yeah, and there was zero pay off to the Ultimate Deletion. Matt is in the Battle Royal. What?
- WrestleMania 34
- wwe monday night raw
- Kurt Angle
- Matt Hardy
- Triple H
- The Miz
- Stephanie McMahon
- Finn Balor
- Brock Lesnar
- Seth Rollins
- John Cena
- Vince McMahon
- BRAUN STROWMAN
- Updated List Of Released WWE Stars
- Jon Moxley’s Diagnosis Revealed, Wasn’t Planned To Lose AEW International Championship At Dynamite Grand Slam
- WWE Announces SmackDown Returning To USA Network & More
- Mustafa Ali Gone From WWE
- WWE Elimination Chamber 2024 Set For Australia, Date & Location Confirmed
- John Cena Sends Message To Dolph Ziggler After WWE Release
- Major Spoiler For AEW Rampage Grand Slam 2023
- Elias Breaks Silence After Being Released By WWE
- Update On Adam Cole Injury After AEW Dynamite Grand Slam
- Update On Mustafa Ali WWE Departure