WWE SmackDown Live – June 4, 2019 (Review)

The Worst of SmackDown Live

The Worst Good Video Packages

Normally not one to miss a chance to praise WWE’s video editing department, even I’m surprised by this criticism. Dolph stood on the ramp and introduced a career highlights package to hype up his looming challenge to Kofi Kingston’s title. Except here’s the rub: looking back at the last decade of Dolph’s failed pushes does nothing to elicit excitement ahead of the pair’s showdown this Friday. Is replaying Ziggler’s successful Money in the Bank cash-in from 2013 meant to get the pulse racing for a match in 2019? Unless it was a very delicate way of reminding us that Big E was in Dolph’s corner on that night… setting up a possible turn from the big man? Oh who am I kidding, that has nothing to do with anything.

"What about ME? What about all the championships I'VE won?" – @HEELZiggler #SDLive pic.twitter.com/7dzyHSoqHw

— WWE (@WWE) June 5, 2019

Also, Dolph seemingly relied on this compilation to persist in his weird refrain that “it should have been him” instead of Kofi who was given the opportunities leading to the New Day member’s unlikely championship victory at WrestleMania. As great as that is as a soundbite, it still makes absolutely no sense. Dolph wasn’t even actively wrestling to start the year. Hell, at the time he took his WWE hiatus, he was on Raw! So how did Kofi, a SmackDown star, rob him of any opportunities?

Finally, almost as soon as Dolph’s clip was done playing, Kofi introduced his own, reflecting on Ziggler surrendering the US Title in 2017. Then, for no apparent reason whatsoever, we got a THIRD video package recapping Dolph’s attack on Kofi from two weeks ago.

This was the laziest way to round out a feud heading into a pay-per-view. It reminded me of that one kid who couldn’t be bothered to complete his school project, so he simply printed out an entire Wikipedia page. (Also, that kid was me.)

It’s a Tag Match, Playa!

Bringing a jarring end to this disappointing (and largely irrelevant) trip down memory lane was Kevin Owens’ entrance music. He was accompanied by Sami Zayn, meaning that we got ourselves a tag team match for some reason. Holla Holla! Nothing gets explained!

🦄🦄🦄 STAMPEDE!!! #SDLive @XavierWoodsPhD @TrueKofi pic.twitter.com/9s3Gs3y1jp

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) June 5, 2019

This was a fun bout – because of course a match between New Day and KO & Zayn would be – but it presented an end to one of the more compelling mysteries coming out of last week’s episode. After last Tuesday’s SmackDown, I was intrigued to find out who really attacked Big E two weeks ago. After all, Kevin Owens had strongly denied culpability. And no one had actually witnessed the attack, which happened off-screen.

Well, throughout this match the commentary team entirely dispelled any potential ambiguity, repeatedly saying that KO was indeed the one responsible for the assault. So I guess it was him then. So much for subtlety and nuance.

At least we’ll always have the mystery of who strung up Sami Zayn at Money in the Bank. Because there’s no way that mystery’s ever being revisited. Rikishi got away with another one.

I Guess Alexa Bliss is a Heel Again

Precisely one night after I reluctantly announced that Alexa was a babyface (because nothing’s official until it’s review official), the ‘Goddess’ was unquestionably a heel on SmackDown. She was delusional, arrogant and self-serving. Much like WWE’s writing staff! Zing!

"Did you know that I held the #SDLive #WomensTitle 2x?… it's kinda like when I was #SDLive #WomensChampion the title MEANT something!" @AlexaBliss_WWE with the SHADE! @itsBayleyWWE pic.twitter.com/ArlDyLrAKz

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) June 5, 2019

It’s frankly insulting that WWE still persists in the belief that Raw and SmackDown have entirely distinct audiences and that the people who watch the one won’t keep track of what’s happening on the other.

So seeing Bliss openly run down the blue brand as being the “B-Show”, antagonise Bayley and just be a general obnoxious host during A Moment of Bliss was worse than irritating. It was insulting and infuriating.

At least she’s still doing the coffee gimmick, so that’s… swell. I guess. I hate everything.

Anyway, Carmella came to the aid of Bayley, soon followed by ‘Shoe-Horn Charlotte’. She really can’t help but involve herself in everyone’s storylines, can she? Regardless, just like that, we had all the ingredients for a triple threat to decide Bayley’s next title challenger. And they were conveniently all dressed to compete. Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyy! (I was actually quite looking forward to the match.)

TONIGHT: @MsCharlotte vs. @CarmellaWWE vs. @AlexaBliss_WWE! The winner will face @itsBayleyWWE for the #SDLive #WomensTitle at #WWEStompingGrounds! pic.twitter.com/hdo71DqCIV

— WWE (@WWE) June 5, 2019

The 24/7 Silliness

Elias beat R-Truth in 30 seconds in a lumberjack match to win the 24/7 Title. The very well-behaved lumberjacks patiently waited for the bell to ring before they pounced on Elias, looking to possibly claim the title for themselves.

Somehow during this melee however, Elias was able to escape and crawl around ringside. Here, he came face-to-face with R-Truth, who chased him (accompanied by a referee) under the ring. Seconds later, the bell rang and R-Truth emerged with the belt.

https://www.instagram.com/p/ByTyVHbhTDH/

The most notable part of this entire atrocity of a segment? One, Jack Gallagher was rather depressingly lumped in with this collection of SmackDown dorks. And two, Tom Phillips was almost apoplectic at the prospect of R-Truth pinning someone under the ring. While he was yelling about how that travesty occurred, I was yelling “you’re the face commentator, Phillips! You’re supposed to back the good guy!” WWE’s main roster commentary is the worst.

A Gloomy Man in a Gloomy Room

Aleister Black once again sat in a dark room waiting for someone to come find him. Most surprising was that the door to this room apparently has his name printed on it. Really? It looks like a broom closet, my guy. It doesn’t even have a working light fixture it, I seriously doubt someone’s taken the trouble to print out a label.

At this point he just reminds me of an old man yelling at a cloud. And I hate it, because Aleister Black – like so many of WWE’s talent – deserves better.

Raw Lite – Shane and the ‘Big Dog’

Shane McMahon – this time flanked by Drew McIntyre and The Revival – again appeared in the ring to antagonise Roman Reigns. When the ‘Big Dog’ finally emerged, he quickly dispatched of the Revival before running headfirst into a Claymore from McIntyre. After a little more softening up, Shane delivered a spear to Reigns and mocked his celebrations.

https://www.instagram.com/p/ByTyP1wBtKe/

This was almost identical to the segment we saw on Raw, save that on Monday the beatdown was preceded by a six-man tag. I wasn’t particularly interested in this feud heading into this week’s TV, and seeing Roman get beaten up by Shane’s rag-tag group of henchmen two nights in a row hasn’t done anything to change that.

Sullivan Speaks

Kayla Braxton finally conducted her long-anticipated interview with Lars Sullivan.

I wish she hadn’t.

My reservations around this advertised interview stemmed from the fact that monsters very rarely remain scary after they talk. Think of all the iconic horror characters throughout history. How many of them retain their terror after comparing themselves to nightingales and lions, or recite a nursery rhyme about scurrying rats?

Because that’s what Sullivan did in a long monologue, in which he revealed his trauma at being called the ‘Freak’ and promised to vivisect Lucha House Party this Friday.

"My primary function is to hurt, dissect and dehumanize people… The world is full of pain, agony and a real life FREAK OF NATURE like me!" – @LarsSWWE #SDLive pic.twitter.com/yFlOhA4ipY

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) June 5, 2019

The angle could perhaps still have been saved had it not been for Byron Saxton undercutting the entire tone. As the interview ended, the tenured announcer decided it was a good time to snap into advertiser mode. Five seconds after Sullivan was done talking about disembowelling three Mexicans, Saxton gleefully told us not to miss Goldberg’s appearance later in the night.

Byron, if you can’t be bothered with any of this, mate…

Where’s the Wrestling?

There were only three matches on this week’s SmackDown Live. And even that’s being generous because one of them barely went thirty seconds. I understand that this was a go-home show for a pay-per-view featuring more part-timers than a Hall of Fame induction ceremony, but this is ridiculous. Cut out a few of the awful promos and give us some more actual wrestling.

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