Being the go-home show ahead of SummerSlam, last night’s edition of SmackDown Live had a lot on its plate.
And with plenty of ground to cover, WWE did what it usually tends to do. It talked.
Between the promos, backstage interviews and assorted talk shows, we were gifted jibber-jabber in all shapes and sizes. We got long and measured, short and passionate… and whatever we call Shane McMahon’s particular brand of nonsense.
But – somewhat ironically – all that chit-chat wasn’t to be the talking point of a rather narrative heavy instalment of SmackDown Live.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B01SgEkFnvM/
Nope. This central pillar of this week’s edition of the blue show, the crux upon which it stood, the glue binding it together, was Roman Reigns. More particularly, who on Earth is trying to murder the ‘Big Dog’?
The list of possible candidates is startlingly short, given how unpopular the former Universal Champion was just a year ago. But now, in mid-2019, things are different. We actually like Roman Reigns… mostly.
So who could possibly want to see him “permanently injured”, as Michael Cole so delicately – and ridiculously – put it? Who was seen around each of the crime scenes? Which one of WWE’s stars had motive to take out the ‘Big Dog’? And above all else, who is so wholly incompetent that they think a stack of sound equipment or a poorly directed collision could do the job?
It’s a mystery we all desperately want solved. So, without further ado, let’s find out together.
Let’s get to the review.
The Best of SmackDown Live
The ‘Queen’ Gets Some Stratusfaction
In the first of many promos throughout the night, Charlotte Flair addressed her SummerSlam opponent, Trish Stratus.
Charlotte accused Trish of choosing retirement just as the industry was starting to take women’s wrestling seriously. She charged that Trish, seeing the industry shift, then wanted to come back “at the peak of the Women’s Revolution“. (I feel like we’ve been at the peak of the Women’s Revolution for the last 35 years, as frequently as that phrase is used.)
#TheQueen is HERE to kick off #SDLive! @MsCharlotteWWE pic.twitter.com/adCVO5XD6N
— WWE (@WWE) August 7, 2019
Charlotte then claimed that today’s wrestlers are superior to their predecessors in every way and that she is better now than Trish ever was. Aside from this last point, the entire promo was much a case of the heel conveniently rewriting history.
Flair however cued a video package purposed at demonstrating her claim, which Trish hijacked for her own ends. This brought out the Hall of Famer, who rattled through some memorised lines about having a lot to prove. The customary slap was then performed by Stratus, the two squared up, before a grinning Charlotte gracefully left the ring.
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This was largely decent, although cringingly scripted – particularly from Trish, who sounded like Siri had taken human form.
Career vs. McMahon
In a “very special” edition of The KO Show, Kevin Owens invited Shane McMahon to engage in a little tête-à-tête.
Here, KO challenged Shane to put his career on the line at SummerSlam, much like Owens was forced to do last week. To his credit, and for the sake of my sanity, Shane quickly declined to do so. After all, why would he accept?
Frustrated by the response, KO resorted to insulting his guest. Just as it appeared that we might be getting a foretaste of the pay-per-view encounter though, Elias stormed in to attack Owens.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B02AjpFBjVW/
After initially fending off Shane’s henchman, KO fell victim to a beating at the hands of the ‘Best in the World’, before being buried under an announce table.
Shane was excellent in his role as the smug, self-assured boss last night, lording over his rabble-rousing underling. More importantly, both KO’s request to have Shane put his career on the line, and Shane’s subsequent refusal, were true to character and made sense. I was sports-entertained throughout.
Let Him In
It’s rare for someone to have back-to-back good weeks in WWE, much less a prolonged period of greatness. Bray Wyatt has been having consecutive good weeks for several months now.
Case in point: the latest instalment of Firefly Funhouse. Once again, Bray praised Finn Bálor’s bravery, yet warned that the Irishman had made a terrible mistake by provoking ‘The Fiend’.
And that’s only scratching the surface of what was otherwise an unsettling, eery, uncomfortable – and frankly genius – video package. As with most things Wyatt, everyone should go out of their way to watch it.
Kofi’s Mesmerizing Package
Whoa, that came out wrong. I meant his video package.
To the sound of triumphant orchestral undertones, Kofi Kingston recounted his path to the WWE Championship, complete with the now well-known story of Randy Orton scuppering his push a decade ago.
This was an exceptionally well-shot package, which presented Kofi as someone who never gave up. The inspirational figure who always kept going, honing his craft and staying positive until he finally broke through.
It was incredibly well-done and Kingston came across as a sincere, determined and sympathetic babyface champion. An excellent follow-up to Randy Orton’s similarly great promo package last week.
The Tag Team Main Event
The New Day faced Daniel Bryan and Rowan in a predictably entertaining, back-and-forth main event match.
After several incredible feats resulting in near falls, Rowan – frustrated at being unable to pick up the victory – clobbered Xavier Woods with the steel steps for the DQ finish. Bryan and his big, beefy accomplice then set about laying out The New Day.
.@WWEDanielBryan & @ERICKROWAN are LAYING WASTE to @WWEBigE & @XavierWoodsPhD! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/crVPohkBxh
— WWE (@WWE) August 7, 2019
Admittedly, it would have been nice to see a clean finish here, but the screwy end provides a clearer path to an enticing rematch between the two excellent tag teams.
The Worst of SmackDown Live
Just Everything Dolph
Dolph Ziggler resurrected his gimmick of two years ago by stealing a legend’s entrance. This time it was Goldberg’s customary drum beat and perp walk.
… That's not @Goldberg. @HEELZiggler #SDLive pic.twitter.com/dVRzXqH7Rm
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) August 7, 2019
Aside from riling up the fans, who were gleefully chanting for Goldberg, what exactly is this meant to accomplish? Corey Graves tried to sell it as the usual “mind games”, but surely that only works if the offensive act is actually meaningful? And if Goldberg was watching, which he almost surely wasn’t.
Ziggler then proceeded to wipe out Rey Mysterio (so he looks strong then!), before vowing to end the career of the legendary WCW man.
And then Ali ran down to attack Dolph for no apparent reason whatsoever. After a short match (most of which took place in a shrink screen), Ziggler comfortably beat him too.
.@HEELZiggler picks up the victory over @AliWWE… And picks up some momentum heading into his matchup against @Goldberg THIS SUNDAY at #SummerSlam! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/PESVbtXVag
— WWE (@WWE) August 7, 2019
It’s a shame to say, but it’s become near impossible to lose to Dolph without suffering a serious knock to your aura. Both Mysterio and Ali look decidedly worse today than they did yesterday.
Roman’s Livelihood is at Stake
As much as I try to get invested in the “Who’s Trying to Murder Roman?” sweepstakes, I just cant’s get past the inherent goofiness of it all.
When ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin was run over by Rikishi, it was a scene so visceral that you couldn’t help but think there was a murderous psychopath roaming the halls of WWE.
By contrast, a close call with some poorly stacked equipment and a mistimed hit-and-run just don’t measure up.
"I got questions – I'm gonna make sure I get some answers TONIGHT."@WWERomanReigns #SDLive pic.twitter.com/jvV9f9MIUx
— WWE (@WWE) August 7, 2019
The cartoonish vibes of this entire storyline weren’t aided by the sit-down interview with Roman on last night’s show either. The ‘Big Dog’ lamented how he’s forced to live life looking over his shoulder, placing his ability to provide for his family in jeopardy.
He claimed that the attempt to ram him with a car crossed the line. Once again, ignoring the time that he intentionally rammed an ambulance carrying Braun Strowman into a truck.
Pot, have you met Kettle?
Challenger vs Challenger
The minute that Natalya vs. Ember Moon was announced, I wondered how they were possibly going to get out of it without damaging either of the women vying for championship gold this weekend.
Turns out the match went about three minutes, before Natalya locked in the Sharpshooter on the outside, ensuring both women got counted out.
it would seem @itsBayleyWWE wants her #SummerSlam challenger at 100% ahead of their battle THIS SUNDAY! @WWEEmberMoon pic.twitter.com/MHme9dDBgd
— WWE (@WWE) August 7, 2019
She refused to release the hold even after the bell, however, causing Bayley to launch herself to Ember Moon’s aid. That’s right, a week after Bayley planted her weakened title challenger with a post-match Bayley-to-Belly suplex, she ran out to save her from a different attack. I don’t get it.
SummerSlam Come Early
Sami Zayn reiterated the pay-per-view challenge he issued to Aleister Black last week, only for the Dutchman to announce that the match would instead be happening right then on last night’s SmackDown.
"This match happens NOW." – @WWEAleister
"WHAT?!?!?" – @SamiZayn#SDLive pic.twitter.com/nRL9Sxy02R
— WWE (@WWE) August 7, 2019
Despite the contest being generally enjoyable, it has to be considered a disappointment in the larger scheme. First, Zayn / Black is a match deserving of being on pay-per-view, as opposed to the commercial-riddled middle chapter of a meaningless SmackDown in early August.
Second, with the match now done, presumably neither man will feature this Sunday. I fully appreciate that the SummerSlam card is already overstuffed, but what a tremendous waste of talent this is.
Shelton’s Lost His Mind
Shelton Benjamin was asked by Kayla Braxton whether he’d ever consider getting into the 24/7 Title fold. In a classic return to form, Shelton’s eyes danced around the room for a bit, while the rest of his face posed the imponderable question: “dear Lord, what has happened to my career?”
I’m so relieved that of all the awful gimmicks WWE could have arbitrarily resurrected, they chose this one.
Elias is Better than Chad Gable
In a backstage segment that came from out of nowhere, Elias tore into Chad Gable for leaving his exercise bands near his guitar.
He called the former tag team champion short – the most heinous of all insults in Vince Mcmahon’s WWE. And Gable just averted his gaze, like a scolded puppy. What a chump. I hated this.
👀👀👀
"You gotta be at least THIS TALL to step to a star like Elias." – @IAmEliasWWE#SDLive @WWEGable pic.twitter.com/Od86H0jUHH
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) August 7, 2019
Roman Reigns’ Detective Agency
In his best effort at channelling The Wire, Roman Reigns instructed the SmackDown locker room to clear out, leaving him alone with Buddy Murphy.
With privacy assured, Roman proceeded to grill Murphy about being at the scene of the first crime – when a bunch of staging equipment fell relatively near Roman’s general vicinity. Although, I suppose when you’re as large as Roman is, most things are in your general vicinity.
At first, the Australian denied having any knowledge of Roman’s attacker. But when Reigns pressed him further – there was a moment when I thought we might be in for the sequel to Kane electrocuting Shane McMahon’s testicles – Murphy opened up a little.
He said that even if he did know who attacked Roman, he still wouldn’t share it with the ‘Big Dog’. This caused Roman to throw a few fists at the former Cruiserweight Champion, slamming him against the locker room wall until he revealed the truth (and earlier reports).
With Roman’s arm pressed against his throat, Murphy claimed that Rowan was driving the forklift that caused the first incident. What a silly bombshell.
"I didn't see @WWEDanielBryan… I just saw @ERICKROWAN." – @WWE_Murphy
Could @WWEDanielBryan & @ERICKROWAN be behind the recent attacks on @WWERomanReigns???? #SDLive pic.twitter.com/aFcBglAKp4
— WWE (@WWE) August 7, 2019
So, just one week after the mystery first arose, it’s been resolved. Also, that resolution came in perhaps the least inspired manner possible. Roman literally just asked the first person he came across in the locker room. No suspense, no build, no escalation. At least it’s over.
Overall Rating for the Show (From best to worst: SmackDamn, SmackTastic, Smack Bang in the Middle, SmackDowner and A Smack in the Face)
This was a chatty episode of SmackDown Live.
With time short and many threads left to be tied up heading into SummerSlam, WWE was forced to rely on the usual mix of video packages and promos.
And it was a mixed bag ultimately. While Kofi Kingston, Kevin Owens, Charlotte and Bray Wyatt met their usual levels of brilliance, the same can’t be said for some of the less experienced, less polished, members of the roster.
👋👋👋 #SDLive @WWEBrayWyatt pic.twitter.com/T8QIoWBaCU
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) August 7, 2019
Natalya, Ember Moon and Bayley added nothing ahead of their respective title matches – and Dolph’s antics have just become a major frustration at this point.
Even worse was all of the ancillary nonsense, with Elias lording over Chad Gable, Shelton Benjamin’s continued descent into insanity and Roman Reigns starring in his very own Looney Tunes crossover.
The wrestling – limited as it was – was good though. And at least we now know who Roman’s attacker is. Please can we just get to SummerSlam already.
This week’s SmackDown Live was a high Smack Bang in the Middle.
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