WWE Raw – May 27, 2019 (Review)

The Worst of Raw

The Incredible Health Benefits of Pancakes

Last week, Kofi was brutalised at the hands of a returning Dolph Ziggler. He was beaten, battered and pulverised. So violent in fact was this attack that Kofi needed to be stretchered away from ringside.

Six days later he’s totally fine.

I have no idea what the New Day put in those pancakes, nor if they’ve been approved by the FDA, but they seem to work miracles.

The Beast-box

The Money in the Bank briefcase has now officially been remodelled into a… sigh… “Beast-box”. By all accounts, this just appears to be plastic boombox substitute that causes bad music and his opponents’ entrance themes to be played through the arena sound system. Oh, and Brock to perform his best impression of ‘Becky Lynch making her NXT debut’.

.@BrockLesnar with ALL the footwork! 🕺 #RAW @HeymanHustle pic.twitter.com/brR7uTovVc

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 28, 2019

It was cute last week, in a subversive sort of way. But now it just makes the most fearsome man in WWE look like a teenage delinquent.

This segment opened the show and was designed to have Brock announce his championship opponent. Instead it ended with no announcement being made, Seth Rollins storming away and Ziggler showing up to blindside Kofi before beating down Xavier Woods forever.

Dolph is Still Ice Cold

If his overlong beating of Xavier Woods generated no heat, the promo which followed somehow managed to produce anti-heat. The kind of ice cold reception that could’ve put out the Great Fire of London.

A happy Ziggler is a dangerous Ziggler. @HEELZiggler #RAW pic.twitter.com/jAlXvR0R16

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 28, 2019

Dolph again spoke with passion and emotion about how all of Kofi’s opportunities should have been his. How he admired Kofi, how he defended him when others called him a B-plus Player. And that come Super ShowDown, Ziggler was going to take the WWE Championship from Kingston.

Aside from his confusing motivations, the larger issue is again that Dolph exhausted all his goodwill with WWE fans years ago. We know how this all ends, but under other circumstances that could still be okay. When the journey getting there is boring however, that’s when you’ve got yourself a Ziggler feud.

Brock Finds Out What The Briefcase Does

After repeated prompting from Seth Rollins, Paul Heyman revealed what everyone already knew. That the holder of the Money in the Bank briefcase is afforded a full year to cash in their title opportunity.

Somehow this came as news to Brock Lesnar though, who upon finding this out, laughed in Rollins’ face and smugly walked away. As he strolled up the ramp, Michael Cole robotically chimed: “We could have a ‘Beast in the Bank’ for a full year!”

So, you're saying @BrockLesnar has A YEAR to cash in his #MITB contract?

That's… somehow… news to The #BeastInTheBank! #RAW @HeymanHustle pic.twitter.com/kn0IpLBtMj

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 28, 2019

While it’s ridiculous to think that Brock could somehow win the Briefcase – and have had it used against him – without understanding how it operates, the prospect of him hanging around for a full year is even more ludicrous. Just announce that you’re cashing it in against Rollins already so that we can all move on with our lives.

The Women’s Tag Team Chumps 

Becky Lynch and Nikki Cross teamed to take on The IIconics in a match they absolutely dominated and then won. That means that since claiming the tag team belts at WrestleMania, The IIconics have won one match and lost five, with their sole victory coming against the decorated Brooklyn Belles almost two months ago.

I understand not wanting Becky or Nikki Cross to lose, but why pair them against your newly-crowned Tag Team Champions? A team (and set of titles) WWE presumably intends to push at some stage? Talk about booking yourself into an easily avoidable hole.

Fatal Fourway Elimination Number One Contender Decider

Man, what a mouthful.

Raw decided that the next challenger for Seth Rollins’ Universal Title would the winner of a Fatal Fourway Elimination Match between The Miz, Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley and Braun Strowman. Because in a world where wins and losses don’t matter, you want your top challenger to be the guy who lost to either Shane McMahon, Roman Reigns, Finn Bálor or Sami Zayn.

A true #MonsterAmongMen. 😱 @BraunStrowman #Fatal4Way #RAW pic.twitter.com/GpIKfXBMcn

— WWE (@WWE) May 28, 2019

Regardless, this match was for the most part a plodding affair. Lashley and Corbin (reprising their infamous ‘Mid-card of Evil’ alliance) spent the first two-thirds of the match slowly – and I mean sloooowly – getting the heat on Miz and Strowman. Then Miz had a little flurry before falling victim to the End of Days, meaning that Baron Corbin is heading to Super ShowDown to face Seth Rollins.

In case you’re wondering what happened to Lashley and Strowman, they brawled into the crowd and were somehow eliminated. Because, as we all know, in Fatal Fourway matches you can only be eliminated by pin fall, submission or straying too far from camera shot. Great work, WWE.

More Talk Shows

Had you asked me before last night, I would’ve said that the last thing Raw needs is another talk show. But then WWE reminded me how awful their overly rehearsed Q&A sessions are.

Corey Graves unveiled his new segment, appropriately named the Electric Chair. Because, you see, his guest sits in… get this… an Electric Chair. Radical.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx_VnP8BJ3V/

Sami Zayn was the subject of this agonising segment this week, using the questions thrown at him as an excuse to insult the Kansas City crowd. He called them idiots, suggested they may be inbred, threatened to punch them in the mouth, and name-dropped AEW. This latter attempt at faux controversy predictably stirred up chants of AEW, perhaps motivating the decision to edit it out of the YouTube clip. So, again I say, good job WWE.

Sami was his usual brilliant self. But this meandering segment made me wish that I was the one strapped to the electric chair.

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